4 Small Steps To Help You Overcome Social Anxiety

There’s a difference between being introverted or a “homebody” and having a strong, unhealthy fear of being in social situations. Maybe you don’t like to be in large groups of people, or you’re worried about speaking in public. Maybe you start to panic long before you know a social event is coming up, and your negative thoughts threaten to take over everything. 

If that sounds familiar, you could be struggling with social anxiety. 

Social anxiety occurs when social interactions cause irrational fears. Sometimes, even just the thought of being in a group or having to speak can cause your anxiety to spike. 

Obviously, that can be crippling for your friendships, career, or even romantic relationships. 

Thankfully, social anxiety doesn’t have to consume your life forever. You can take steps to overcome it and start taking control of your thoughts again. Let’s cover a few ways you can get control over your social anxiety, and you might eventually enjoy the social interaction causing so much fear right now.

1. Prepare Yourself

Often, you’ll know ahead of time when you have to face a social situation. Maybe it’s a get-together with friends, a meeting for work, or even a big event. 

While it can be overwhelming to think about, you can calm your nerves and take more control by planning ahead. 

If you’re worried you won’t have anything to talk about, scroll through social media or check the news to come up with a few conversation points. If you’re nervous about fumbling over your words, practice a few things you might want to say. 

While you don’t want to seem stiff or rehearsed, a little extra preparedness can go a long way in making you feel better about social situations. 

2. Take Baby Steps

You probably won’t overcome social anxiety by determining you’re going to a major event one day. 

Instead, you can combat your fears by starting small and going at your own pace. 

Connect with a couple close friends over coffee. If that goes well, try riding the subway. If you’re still feeling calm, volunteer to lead a meeting at work. 

Don’t let anyone try to push you beyond what you’re ready for. When you decide to take baby steps, you’re giving yourself more control.

3. Stop Focusing On Yourself

One of the biggest issues people with social anxiety face is feeling like everyone is paying attention to them. 

In reality, that probably isn’t the case. You’re just hyper-focused on yourself and your fear. 

Work to take that focus off of yourself by putting it on other people. Take in the people around you and what they’re talking about. You’ll quickly find that no one is thinking about how anxious you are or judging you for it – they probably don’t even know. 

Once you realize that, it’s much easier to feel comfortable.

4. Distract Yourself With Your Senses

It can be overwhelming to be in a social setting and start to panic. When you feel like you can’t control your fears, they can keep getting bigger. One of the best things you can do when that happens is to distract yourself using your senses. 

Chew a piece of gum the next time you’re feeling fearful over a social situation. Or, carry one of your favorite scents with you. You can also scroll through comforting pictures on your phone. Utilizing your senses can serve as welcome distractions while offering you a sense of comfort. 

While these steps can all help you overcome social anxiety, the best thing you can do is get to the root of the issue. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for help, and work with us to develop long-term solutions to combat social anxiety. 

Why Is Parenting So Hard Today?

Parenting has never been easy. In many aspects, it’s “cushier” today than in centuries – or even decades – past. We have a lot of modern conveniences, women are seen as equals and are able to work outside the home and balance motherhood. There are many different types of parents. Technology has even made it easier to get information in seconds. 

However, in many ways, parenting is also harder than ever. 

“Modern world” parenting comes with many challenges, and one of the biggest ones for parents is exhaustion. 

Parents being tired is nothing new, but with so many things to balance and juggle nowadays, the burnout from parenting can be more impactful (and potentially harmful) than ever. 

Let’s take a closer look at why parenting is so hard today and what you can do to make it easier on yourself. 

A Lot of the Work Is Falling On One Person

The number of children living in single-parent households is greater than ever. If you’re raising your kids alone, the classic “it takes a village to raise a child” mentality doesn’t really apply. 

Many parents today feel overwhelmed by everything they have to do on their own. While they may not change their circumstance, it doesn’t make it easy. 

Raising your kids alone can lead to a lack of self-care, free time and can even impact your mental health. It also makes it difficult to share time with your kids evenly, especially when they’re involved in activities. After all, you can’t be in two places at once. 

Technology Has Its Drawbacks

Again, one of the advantages of parenting today is that we can get information in seconds by quickly looking something up on a phone or computer. 

Unfortunately, there are some “cons” to that. 

While so much information can build confidence and empower parents, it can also lead to more rigidity and even boost anxiety. We’re all aware that not everything you read online is true. Any information you take in needs to be double-checked, and even then it’s important to make sure you’re taking in accurate advice. Finding that “balance” isn’t always easy. 

As your kids get older, technology can bring about different challenges. It’s not uncommon for children to be attached to phones and tablets from a very early age, and we’re starting to learn about some of the negative effects of so much screen time. 

Changes in Work and School

In decades past, school and work have been largely out of the home. Kids attended classes for several hours each day, and parents went to their jobs, making it easy to find a work-life balance and improve socialization skills for kids. 

Today that isn’t the case. 

Remote work and virtual schooling have been on the rise for several years. However, the COVID-19 pandemic skyrocketed their popularity quickly. Now, more people are working from home than ever. While many kids are back to in-person learning, some are still being homeschooled or going for a virtual education option. 

That can create a lot of excess stress and pressure for parents and children alike. Working remotely isn’t as easy as some people think, and it requires a lot of discipline. Some children struggle more with learning from home than they do in a school setting. Finding a balance and a routine that works for both of you often takes time. 

On the surface, so many things can make parenting easier today. However, if you’re a parent, you already know the struggles that things like modern technology and a “lack of a village” can bring. Don’t lose heart or hope, and continue to make your well-being a priority. The more you take care of yourself and your mental well-being, the better you’ll be able to care for your children. 

If you are facing parenting issues, reach out to us for support.

Why Is Art Therapy Helpful For Processing Emotions?

Most people understand and agree that therapy is beneficial for working through difficult emotions and mental health issues. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, or stress, talking about it can help. 

However, some people can’t open up as freely as others. 

Some people aren’t able to express themselves through words alone, and talk therapy isn’t a great option. 

That’s why art therapy can be such a fantastic alternative when it comes to processing emotions. 

But, what is art therapy, and why is it so useful? 

What Is Art Therapy? 

If you don’t consider yourself an artist or even a “creative” person, don’t let the title of “art therapy” turn you away. You don’t have to be skilled with a paintbrush to both enjoy and benefit from this type of therapy. 

Art therapy utilizes different creative processes to help individuals express themselves openly. It uses different art materials to explore different emotions through various avenues. In most cases, you’ll paint, sculpt, and draw, but different therapists may have different approaches to the tools you use. 

How Does it Help? 

If you’re not able to sit down and freely talk about your emotions, art therapy can be very beneficial. You’ll use different artforms to express your emotions without words. A therapist might offer you a prompt or ask a question before you get started. But, most of the time, you’ll work on free-form art that gives you the ability to express whatever happens to be on your mind. 

Your art therapist will help to guide you through self-expression. You’ll learn more about yourself through your art. You’ll explore, and become more self-aware. 

The more self-aware you are, the easier it is to process your emotions. You’ll begin to see the meaning and insight of your art, and eventually be able to talk about it. 

That’s an important thing to keep in mind – art therapy does involve some talking. However, combined with the art itself, you might find it’s much easier to open up. 

Re-Experiencing Emotions

Sometimes, it’s difficult to process emotions because they feel “jumbled.” You might be willing to talk about them, but you can’t express your feelings the way you truly want to. 

Working through those emotions by painting, drawing, coloring, or even photography can help to organize them in your mind. They’ll start to become clearer and less cluttered. After a while, processing them won’t feel as impossible or overwhelming.  

Additional Benefits

Another reason art therapy helps with processing emotions is that it can boost your self-esteem and confidence.

Depending on what you’re struggling with, you could be dealing with feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment. You might even be struggling with fear. 

As you work through different aspects of art, you’ll start to see yourself for who you really are. You’ll start to break down what your trauma, anxiety, or depression want you to be, or how they want you to view yourself. That kind of self-awareness and esteem can make a big difference in processing your emotions, and eventually talking through them. 

Again, you don’t have to be artistic or overly-creative to benefit from art therapy. If you’re having trouble working through your emotions, however, it could be an effective solution. 

You might even have fun expressing a side of yourself that you’ve never explored before. Art could become a stress-relieving passion that helps you manage your mental health every day. That can give you the ability to truly tap into your mind and heart while working through your emotions in a healthy and effective way. 

Interested in learning more about art therapy? Feel free to contact us for information, or to set up an appointment. 

3 Signs Your Child May Benefit From Art Therapy

It’s not always easy for adults to open up and express their emotions. Think about how much more difficult it can be for children. Sometimes, children can’t even fully understand what they’re feeling enough to express it properly. 

As a result, traditional forms of talk therapy aren’t always the best solution for every child. 

If you’re worried that your child might be struggling with anxiety, trauma, grief, or something else that has made them seem less like themselves lately, help is available. It might be time to consider art therapy. 

Not sure whether your little one would benefit from this unique approach? Let’s look at three signs indicating they could be a perfect candidate.

1. They Can’t Express Their Emotions

Whether your child is too young to express what they’re feeling or they’ve always had a hard time opening up, art therapy could be a perfect solution. 

Rather than focusing on talking and answering questions directly, art therapy uses different tools to let your child express themselves creatively. They might be “prompted” to draw something specific regarding their feelings or a situation, but they’re given a lot of freedom to express their thoughts and feelings however they want. 

Art therapy is also helpful for children with ADHD or on the autism spectrum. They might not be able to adequately express themselves through words, but they don’t deserve to be “punished” or to stay silent because of it.

2. They Can’t Focus

It’s not uncommon for kids with a creative streak to have trouble focusing. Children, in general, tend to have shorter attention spans. 

It’s not as easy for them to sit and talk to a therapist for an hour without getting distracted or feeling burnt out by the end of each session. 

Art therapy is different in that it mimics play. It allows your child to do something they would enjoy doing in their free time.

If your child is having trouble focusing in other areas of their life, including at school, art therapy can be beneficial. The activities will be tailored to their needs and interests, making it easier to get to the underlying cause of what they’re experiencing.

3. They Have Low Self-Esteem

Depending on your child’s age, it’s not uncommon for kids to struggle with confidence and self-esteem. Growing up is hard, and throughout different stages of life, kids often have to deal with things like self-doubt, bullying, or not doing well in school. 

If your child is struggling with low self-esteem, it could negatively impact other areas of their life. They might struggle in the classroom. Or, they might have a hard time making friends or holding on to the ones they have. 

Art therapy can help to bring out any “root” issues that your child might be dealing with. It also can help them discover their natural gifts and further explore their strengths. Children who struggle with self-esteem often crave positive feedback, and this type of therapy is a great way for them to achieve it. 

Is Art Therapy Right for Your Child? 

Most kids love drawing, coloring, and using creativity to express themselves every day. Art therapy harnesses that natural mentality and makes it easier for children to work through their emotions. It’s especially effective for younger kids but can benefit children at almost any age. 

This isn’t an exclusive list. Many children can benefit from art therapy, no matter what they’re dealing with. 

Interested in learning more about this process and how it might help your child?  Feel free to contact us.  Together, we can talk more about what you both can expect and how it can benefit your little one. 

Hey, Men, Listen Up: Your Mental Health Is Important Too

People are becoming more aware of their mental well-being than ever. The COVID-19 pandemic may have been a traumatic experience for many, but if there was one good thing to come out of it, it was that more people started to take charge of their mental health and seek out help when needed. 

That includes men, of course. 

However, there is still a stigma surrounding men and mental health that has created a sort of “block” for centuries. 

As a result, many men still aren’t taking proper care of their mental health or getting the professional help they need. 

Does it really matter? Absolutely. 

Why Is Men's Mental Health So Important?

Everyone’s mental health is important. However, statistically, men are less likely to seek out help for conditions like depression, anxiety, and even something as “simple” as stress. 

While that might not seem like a big deal at first, it’s important to consider what those conditions can lead to. They are all fairly common and there are a variety of different treatment solutions. 

But, they are conditions that rarely go away on their own. When a man tries to ignore a mental health implication, he might be successful for a while. Eventually, though, your emotions will demand to be felt. You might start to feel like you no longer have control over your anxious or depressed thoughts, and they’ll continue to become worse. 

Mental health conditions can take over your entire life. They’ll impact your relationships, your career, and even your family life. 

Men might want to appear strong, but no one should have to bear the weight of a mental health condition on their own. 

Why Are Men At Risk? 

There are plenty of factors that can tip the scales one way or another when it comes to who is at risk of developing certain mental health conditions. 

However, that scale heavily bends toward men when it comes to those who seek out help. 

Men are at a greater risk of serious mental health complications because of the stigmas holding them back. 

It’s not uncommon for men to think that things like therapy make them weak. Some even feel like talking about their emotions is a sign of weakness. 

However, it can be argued that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to admit you need help. It takes even more strength to prioritize your mental well-being. 

No one considers it a sign of weakness when you eat a salad or go to the gym to take care of your body. You shouldn’t consider it weak when you talk to a therapist or express your emotions to take care of your mind, either. 

What Should You Do? 

If you’re ready to take charge of your mental health, start with self-care. Do something every day that brings relaxation and helps to alleviate stress. Meditate. Exercise. Practice mindfulness. Or, take things one step further and write in a journal or talk to a close friend about your feelings. 

If you’re struggling with anxious thoughts or you’re concerned you might be depressed, the next step is to seek out the help you deserve. Again, these are common conditions, but they won’t go away on their own. While it’s okay to “shop around” for a therapist, don’t be afraid to start looking until you find someone to fit your needs. 

Finally, be open. Be willing to be vulnerable, because it takes a lot of strength. When you start recognizing that your mental health is important, you’ll be able to focus on whole-body wellness, and play a positive role in breaking the stigma against men’s mental health. 

If you are ready to take the next step, connect with us so you can begin the work on your mental health for issues such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or anything else you may be going through.

Is Therapy With Friends Really A Thing?

You’ve probably heard of group therapy and couples therapy – both effective treatment options for a variety of issues. However, you may not have heard of “friends therapy” before. Or, if you have, you might be asking yourself if it’s really a thing. 

The answer is yes – and, it can be more effective than you might think. 

Friendships are crucial in so many people’s lives. In some cases, your friendships will be the longest-lasting relationships you’ll ever have. 

So, it only makes sense to foster those relationships and make sure they stay healthy. That includes working through any issues and improving your communication with each other. 

With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at therapy with friends, and why you might want to consider it. 

The Benefits of Therapy With Friends

If you’ve been on the fence about therapy with your friends, consider the benefits. You don’t necessarily have to be struggling within your friendships to reap the rewards. This type of therapy can help to improve your communication skills and encourage growth within your inner circle. 

In many cases, you can view therapy with friends as a sort of “maintenance” technique. Friendships tend to weaken over time, and like anything you care about and love, they require extra attention to stay strong and well-maintained. 

You’ll also develop better listening skills and learn how to communicate more effectively with your friends. Not only can that help with any conflicts that might arise, but it will give you a better understanding of your friends’ needs. 

In return, they’ll understand your needs and wants on a deeper level, too. When that happens, your friendship will grow and become stronger. 

Finally, it can improve your sense of connection. 

Let’s face it, we live in a digital world. You might see your friends regularly, but it’s likely that most of your contact is done via phone calls, texts, FaceTime, etc. Therapy with friends allows you to feel closer and foster a more real-world connection that can easily get lost in today’s tech-savvy society. 

Working Through Issues

It’s not uncommon for couples to attend marriage counseling when their relationship is struggling. 

The same idea applies to therapy with friends. 

You might have unresolved conflict in your relationship that has created tension between you and a specific individual or your entire circle of friends. Therapy gives you all a safe space to address any underlying issues so you can work through them. 

It can also give you the opportunity to address life changes that you feel have put a gap between you and your friends. It could be a romantic relationship/marriage, physical distance, or even a new job. You might not have the same ideals and views you once did, which can drive a wedge between you and your friends. 

Therapy can help you to work through those differences and address them in an open space. 

Dealing With Concerns

Sometimes, therapy with friends can be used to safely address concerns you might have about an individual in your inner circle. 

Maybe your friend is in a toxic or abusive relationship. Maybe their views have become so extreme that you don’t recognize them. Or, you might be concerned about their mental health and how it’s affecting them. 

While therapy for friends isn’t a substitute for an intervention, it can be used to openly discuss concerns and bring them to everyone’s attention. At the same time, once those concerns are revealed, you’ll have the opportunity to work through them together. 

Whether you’re just hearing about this type of therapy or it’s been on your radar for a while, consider giving it a try. Your friendships deserve it. 

Reach out to us to see how we can help you work on your friendships.

Is Art Therapy Effective In Helping With Anxiety?

Millions of people across the globe deal with anxiety. While symptoms can vary, there is one “silver lining” to the condition’s popularity – it has many treatment options. 

Because anxiety impacts everyone differently, different types of therapies and methods of treatment have come to the forefront over the years. What helps one person with their worries and anxious thoughts might not help another. 

Some people, for example, might not enjoy a typical talk therapy treatment option. Maybe you’re more of a creative individual and used to expressing yourself in that way. 

If that’s the case, you might want to consider art therapy to help with your anxiety. 

What Is Art Therapy?

Art therapy is the use of the artistic expression to alleviate your symptoms and feelings of anxiety. 

There’s no denying that art, in general, has therapeutic benefits. Simply looking at a piece of artwork can help you feel more relaxed and let your mind wander into more positive places. 

Art therapy takes things one step further. 

Instead of simply appreciating the artwork of others, you create your own art to express your thoughts and feelings. Things like painting, drawing, or even sculpting can help you become more in tune with your innermost feelings and express them in ways that might otherwise be hard to talk about. 

What Are the Benefits?

You don’t have to be a perfect artist to reap the rewards of art therapy. If you’re willing to tap into your creative side, you will stop ruminating on the root cause of your anxiety. You also won’t feel the pressure of having to talk about your feelings. 

Instead, you can sit in a comfortable, stress-free environment and express yourself through your art. Some of the benefits of art therapy for anxiety include

• It serves as a distraction

• It regulates your nervous system

• Your focus will be on one thing

• Reduced stress

You can also boost your self-esteem, improve your concentration, and have an easier time solving problems with art therapy. You’ll gain more insight into yourself than ever before, and when you have a fuller understanding of who you are, where your anxiety is coming from, and who you want to be, your anxiety will have less power. 

Is Art Therapy Right for You?

Art therapy is often used in conjunction with other treatment options for anxiety. Many people already involved in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or even group therapy use it as a supplement to make it easier to tap into their emotions. 

If you’re having a hard time connecting with your inner thoughts and struggles, art therapy can help. If you’re not great at expressing yourself through words alone, it can also make a big difference. 

How to Get Started

Again, you don’t have to be an accomplished artist to reap the benefits of this type of therapy. There’s nothing stopping you from picking up a pencil or paint right now and engaging your creative side. Even on your own, you can use art to reduce stress and serve as a distraction.

However, if you want to get the most from art therapy, consider working with a qualified professional.

A therapist can guide you through various artistic exercises. You’ll still be able to let your creativity shine, but in a way that can help you better understand your emotions and eventually release the negative ones. 

Interested in learning more about art therapy? Feel free to contact us for information. Art therapy might not be for everyone. But, whether you’re a creative person or you’ve just always appreciated the artwork of others, it could be a great solution for managing your anxiety. 

My Child Is So Anxious, What Can I Do?

No parent wants to see their child struggle in any way. So, if you’ve noticed that your child is more anxious than normal, or that their anxiety has completely taken over, you might feel both helpless and hopeless.

Thankfully, there are things you can do to help your child work through their anxiety at just about any age. 

That doesn’t mean “fixing” everything for them. Rather, it’s important to teach them how to manage their anxiety so they can take those skills with them into adulthood. 

So, what can you do if you have an anxious child? How can you help your child fight back against those worrying thoughts?

Recognize the Goal

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in the world. Thankfully, it’s also very manageable with the right skills and techniques. 

With that in mind, your goal shouldn’t be to “eliminate” anxiety from your child’s life. Rather, you should help them learn how to manage it. If they tend to be naturally worried about certain things, teaching them skills to combat those feelings will help them on a long-term basis, not just in the moment. 

While you might want to completely take away their fear, it’s more important to teach them how to handle it. 

Understand Their Triggers

Chances are, there’s something specific triggering your child’s anxious thoughts. 

Maybe they’re nervous about a bully at school. Maybe the uncertainty of the world has them fearful, especially if they don’t fully understand it. 

Understanding your child’s trigger(s) is a great way to help them work through their thoughts and feelings. It might be tempting to help them avoid all of those triggers. However, that isn’t a long-term solution. 

While you don’t have to force your child to face all their fears at once, don’t shield them from everything either. Work with them to slowly and effectively face what they’re scared of, and ensure them that they’re safe. Teach them coping mechanisms along the way, and they’ll eventually see that their fears are unwarranted. 

Help Them Manage Their Symptoms

There are many effective ways to help your child manage their symptoms. It’s about finding ways to cope that work for them. That could include things like

• Physical activity

• Stress management techniques like deep breathing or meditation

• Journaling/drawing what they’re feeling

If your child is old enough, you can also guide them through things like mindfulness, or the practice of staying in the present. It requires a bit of focus, so it might not be the best technique for a very young child. However, it’s extremely effective for adults, and can help with older children and teens. 

You should let your child know that you understand their feelings. They need to feel validated and not be “dismissed.” While their fears might seem irrational to you, they are very real to your little one. Rather than telling them to “get over it,” use one of the techniques listed above. 

Don’t Do It On Your Own

One of the best things you can do for your anxious child is to reach out to a professional. 

Anxiety hardly ever goes away on its own. But, working through it with a mental health professional can make it easier to manage now, and in the future. 

A therapist, for example, will help your child by getting to the “root” of the anxiety itself. Once your child has a better understanding of where their anxiety stems from, they’ll also be able to manage it more effectively. 

If your child is anxious, you don’t have to wait to get them the help they deserve – you don’t have to feel helpless. You can also view more information about our group for children who have anxiety, Calm Crusaders. Feel free to contact us for more information. 

People Pleasing, No Thank you.

Being selfless and willing to do things for others is never a bad thing. Everyone could lend a helping hand more often, and the world would be a better place. 

However, there’s a fine line between helping out when you can, and never saying “no” when someone asks something of you. Whether your co-workers are always getting you to do their work, your friends are dragging you along to places you don’t want to go, or your family is volunteering you for things you’re not interested in, you could be getting walked all over on a daily basis. 

Sound familiar? 

If so, you’re probably a people pleaser – and, you’re probably exhausted. 

Thankfully, there are things you can do to learn to say “no” effectively and kindly. You don’t have to regularly feel burnt out just because you’re trying to appease everyone. 

With that in mind, let’s look at some ways to stop people-pleasing, so you can take control of your own life. 

Set the Right Boundaries

The best way to stop people-pleasing is to set boundaries. They should be set for yourself, and for the people in your life. 

Boundaries aren’t unkind or unfair. They’re necessary to maintain a healthy balance within your life and to keep others from taking advantage of you. 

Your boundaries can be different depending on who you’re dealing with. For example, you might set boundaries with co-workers by saying you can’t take on any more work for them, but you can offer your advice or support. 

When it comes to your friends, your boundaries might involve limiting your time with certain ones who are always begging you to go places you don’t want to or get involved in activities that don’t interest you. 

Make your boundaries clear and direct. Most people in your life will appreciate and respect them. 

Make Time for Yourself

We live in an era where self-care is becoming more prominent and popular than ever. But, it’s more than just a buzzword. It’s something everyone needs and deserves – including people-pleasers!

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to set aside time each day to find ways to relax. Even if you have to pencil it into your schedule, making time for self-care is crucial. Try things like exercising, meditating, or journaling to reduce your stress and feel more in-tune with your innermost self. 

When you make self-care a priority, you’ll also start to realize your value and worth. It can boost your self-esteem and confidence, and make it easier to say “no” to things you don’t want to do. 

You Can’t Please Everyone

Even if you’ve been a people-pleaser for as long as you can remember, chances are you’ve never been able to make everyone happy. 

People tend to have notoriously high expectations, and it’s often hard to meet them. If you’ve stretched yourself too thin, you’re not going to be able to give everyone your best. You could end up “letting them down” even if you’ve agreed to do something. 

Instead, focus on saying “yes” to things that you really want to do. Help the people who really need it. You’ll be able to dedicate more time to them without feeling overwhelmed. As for those who you have to turn down, don’t give it too much thought. You’re only one person, and you can’t please everyone. 

Learning to be assertive isn’t always easy. But, the more you take care of yourself through healthy boundaries and daily relaxation, the more you’ll realize how strong you are. It will become easier to stand up for yourself with time, so you can enjoy more of the things you love without feeling pulled in a hundred different directions.

If you need help easing your anxiety over wanting to people please, connect with us so we can help you assert your boundaries.

How Your Perfectionism Is Actually Hurting You

People tend to see perfectionism in different ways. On one hand, it can be viewed as a good thing. Maybe you just like things done correctly, and you push yourself to be your best. 

Unfortunately, many perfectionists take that idea too far. There’s a big difference between doing your best and feeling like no matter what you do, it’s never good enough. 

Real perfectionism can end up controlling everything you do. It can hinder your productivity, negatively impact your relationships, and even damage your self-esteem and confidence. 

Whether you consider yourself a perfectionist or not, it’s important to know how it could hurt you, and what you can do to be your best without crossing that potentially harmful line. 

It’s Causing You to Procrastinate

Most people think perfectionists get everything done on time and that every project, assignment, and contribution is done, well - perfectly!

Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. 

When you’re so caught up in something being perfect, you might procrastinate or put it off because you’re so worried about the quality. The reality is, no matter how badly you want to be perfect, no one is. Recognizing that whatever you turn in might not meet your unrealistic expectations will make you put it off until the last minute. 

Of course, procrastination often leads to rushing through things. So, you might not complete your project with the quality you want. 

That leads to a vicious cycle. The more you procrastinate, the more your productivity suffers. The more your productivity suffers, the harder you’ll end up being on yourself. 

It’s Impacting Your Health

Constantly focusing on perfection can cause a lot of excess stress in your life. 

That kind of stress often leads to anxiety and depression, contributing to physical symptoms like

• Sleep issues

• Changes in eating habits

• Digestive problems

• Headaches

• Muscle aches/pains

These symptoms can also be cyclical. For example, the more worried you are about being perfect, the harder it will be to get a good night’s rest. The less sleep you get, the more fuel your brain will create for conditions like anxiety and depression. 

It’s Damaging Your Self-Esteem

No matter how much you might want to be perfect, it’s not possible. Perfectionism can cause you to create unrealistic expectations for yourself – and others. 

Unfortunately, when you end up not meeting those expectations, it can take a toll on your self-esteem. You might end up believing negative self-talk and questioning your worth. While that can drive you to be even more of a perfectionist, it will end up doing more damage to your confidence along the way. 

It’s Affecting Your Relationships

It’s important to understand that your perfectionism impacts more than just you. 

When your idea of perfectionism extends beyond what you do, you might develop unrealistic expectations for others in your life. That can include co-workers, romantic partners, friends, and family members. When they don’t live up to those expectations, you might “blow up” on them or criticize them. 

Alternatively, you might become incredibly defensive against anyone who calls out your imperfections. Even if it’s a co-worker offering constructive criticism, it can be hard to hear and accept when you have unrealistic standards. 

As you can see, perfectionism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Crossing that line of “doing your best” can be harmful to your mental and physical health, as well as your personal and professional lives. 

If you think your perfectionism or anxiety is causing problems in your life, there are things you can do to let it go! Feel free to contact me for more information, or to set up an appointment. Together, we’ll go over skills that can help you manage your expectations, and lead a perfectly imperfect life.

What Is Brainspotting And How Does It Help With Trauma?

After going through a traumatic event, it can be challenging to move on. It is hard to find the relief you need from the symptoms that seem to haunt you at every turn. From panic attacks, nightmares, to avoidance, the aftermath of trauma can be debilitating.

This is no fault of your own. Growing evidence suggests that our minds and bodies have a way of storing and holding on to trauma. Trauma can literally be embedded into your brain. The brain is a powerful and complicated piece of equipment.

Decades ago, it was thought that the brain stopped growing or developing after a certain age. Thankfully through advancements in science, we now know that this is far from the truth. Our brains never stop creating new pathways and connections. Which means that there is always hope for healing past wounds.

What Is Trauma?

You have probably heard of someone being traumatized. While many people jokingly talk about this, trauma is a very real and scary situation that people find themselves in. If someone has gone through a traumatic event, this may be because of:

• Domestic or Sexual Abuse

• Car Accidents

• Witnessing A Crime

• Child Abuse

• Emotional Abuse

Essentially, any event that left a lasting and negative impact on a person's psychological well-being can be considered a traumatic event. But, is there anything that can help someone through this?

What Is Brainspotting?

At first glance, the word brainspotting makes this therapy method seem more complex than it actually is. While it is a newer treatment approach for trauma, growing evidence and studies are showing just how effective it really is.

Most people have at least heard of EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR is typically the first choice to help clients heal from a traumatic incident or past. Brainspotting is an offshoot of that.

EMDR relies on rapid eye movements to promote healing. Brainspotting relies on eye movement, as well, but instead of rapidly moving the eyes, you are focused on one specific spot. Brainspotting connects to how the brain will store a traumatic memory.

These traumatic memories will manifest themselves through physiological reactions and responses. In order to trigger these responses in a healthy way is to focus the eye on one specific spot, which is where the term brainspotting even comes from.

How It Works

Most Brainspotting sessions will begin by making sure you feel calm. From there, the therapist observes physical reactions as the eyes move such as:

• Facial twitching

• Small lip movements

• Changes in posture

• Excessive blinking

This how your therapist helps you find your brain spot. Where your eyes focus on when you are physically uncomfortable is the gateway to the deeper brain. Accessing this part of your brain is what helps you begin processing the trauma.

Healing From Trauma Using Your Own Brain

Both the brain and body hold on to traumatic memories. Alternatively, and thankfully, they can also help you heal.

As different brain spots are identified by the therapist, they will work with you to begin processing the traumatic memory that is associated with that spot in the brain.

Identifying these spots can help release the stored trauma that the body and mind has held on to.

Finding The Right Therapist

Working with a therapist who is trained in brainspotting will greatly increase the chance of you healing from past wounds.

While it is a new approach, I am confident that together, we can help you heal from the past for a better tomorrow. Connect with us today to begin this journey.

4 Tips To Manage Your Anger Everyday

Anger is a natural emotion. It's what we feel when we get so mad that we feel like throwing something. Or shouting at the the top of our lungs. Anger can be feelings from slight irritation to a fury that shakes you to your core.

It is a natural response - yet for many people it can be an all-consuming one. When you become angry, your nervous system has a heightened response, too, causing your energy and adrenaline levels to skyrocket. It can also affect blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature.

For some, trying to deal with anger is not a once-in-awhile situation.

Maybe you notice that you lash out easily over every little thing that upsets you. And because of this, your personal and work relationships are detrimentally being affected. While you may be under the impression that there is no way to control anger, thankfully, there are ways.

Here are four ways you can begin to manage your anger every day to have healthier responses to the situations you find yourself in.

1. Transform The Way You Think

If you don't have control over your anger, you may find that you curse or speak in an overly dramatic voice, or that your thoughts turn negative really quickly.

To begin controlling your anger, start with your thoughts. If you find yourself boiling inside because you are waiting in a long line, try to change your thoughts. If your first thoughts are, "I can't believe that this line is taking so long, this is completely ruining my day," stop yourself after this thought. Instead, think, "What will being angry help this situation? I have no control over the lines and how much of my day will really be affected by this?"

In therapy, this is part of a process in Cognitive Behavior Therapy(CBT.) CBT is based on the foundation that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. So when you are changing your thought, you are transforming how you feel and react.

2. Work On Your Communication

When you are quick to anger, you may find that you are impulsive and say whatever it is you are thinking about with no filter.

Too often, this just escalates a situation and makes it worse. If you find yourself in a conversation that is becoming heated, stop before you speak. Listen to what the other person is saying without reacting. That may be easier said than done and will take practice.

It is also important to try and understand what they are trying to convey to you, not the words they are using. Why? Because we are all human and they may be trying to convey to you their own hurt or anger over something.

Learning to listen and truly hear someone can help you learn to transform your response and not get so angry.

3.  Remind Yourself That The World Is Not Out To Get You

We all do this. It has been a rough day and nothing seems to be going right. We had a rough day filled with meetings, rushed deadlines, and communication within our community. When everything seems to be going wrong, it is challenging to not think that somehow, the world is conspiring against us.

And in return, we feel extremely angry over this.

Things will always end up going wrong in life and that is the hard truth of it. Give yourself the gentle reminder that becoming angry will not fix or solve anything. Lashing out or yelling at a family member when you get home because you are frustrated won't make any one feel better.

You can control your anger by reminding yourself that you will not be able to control everything. That is okay.

4. Go For A Short Walk

If you find that your body temperature is rising and you're about to explode, walk away.

Go for a short walk to remove yourself from that situation. Even do this if you are at home from the night but still feel like your mind is about to explode.

Exercising has a powerful way of clearing and calming your mind.

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While anger is a natural response, you can re-train yourself to react differently. It won't always be perfect but it will help. If you need help with anger management, our therapists like Katerina can help you. Contact us to begin learning techniques to manage your anxiety more healthily.