Examining Social Anxiety and Its Underlying Causes

Anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all issue. While generalized anxiety disorder is common, some are not anxious about everything. Rather, specific situations and settings lead to uncertainty and fear.

That tends to be the case for those with social anxiety — an intense fear of social situations.

People with social anxiety deal with excessive worry about being judged or criticized. They might always think people are talking about them behind their backs. Or, they might go to the worst-case scenario when thinking about a social situation, even if those thoughts may not be realistic.

Social anxiety can be crippling and isolating, and even lead to other mental health issues. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at social anxiety and some of its underlying causes.

What Does Social Anxiety Look Like?

Again, social anxiety refers to an intense fear of social situations. That can look slightly different from person to person. Some people with social anxiety will avoid events altogether and isolate themselves as much as possible in an effort to “avoid judgment.” Others might deal with physical symptoms in social situations, from sweating and trembling to a racing heart.

Many people with social anxiety have a fear of engaging with others. They worry they might say something wrong or be viewed in a negative light. So, they may not make eye contact or speak up, even if they have something to say.

Sound familiar? If so, you are certainly not alone. Social anxiety affects millions of people in the U.S. alone, but the causes can vary from person to person. While exact causes cannot be exactly pinned down, we are aware of some of the potential factors.

Genetics

There is not a social anxiety gene that passes from one family to another. However, if you have a family history of anxiety disorders of any kind, you might be more susceptible to social anxiety.

If you are naturally more prone to shyness or tend to be more anxious, in general, your vulnerability to social anxiety is greater. This is something that can be “learned” by your familial environment as you grow up if your parents or caregivers struggle with the same issues.

Environmental Factors

Many people with social anxiety develop it as a result of the world around them and the experiences they go through. That can stem all the way back to childhood. If you were bullied, ridiculed, or criticized, your social anxiety could have started at a very young age.

Trauma and abuse can also lead to social anxiety, as well as family dynamics. For example, if your parents had unrealistic expectations of you or there was high criticism in your upbringing, it could have caused you to be anxious about social settings.

Mental Imbalances

Sometimes, chemical imbalances in the brain can trigger social anxiety. For example, if you are not producing enough serotonin, it can increase your risk of developing anxious thoughts. That can contribute to generalized anxiety, but might also make you more fearful of social settings and potentially being judged by others.

What Can You Do?

The good news about understanding the potential causes of social anxiety is that it allows you to be one step closer to healing from it.

There are things you can do on your own to manage the symptoms of social anxiety, including self-care practices and mindfulness. Mindfulness allows you to stay grounded in the present while reducing your stress, so you’re less likely to let fear overtake your thoughts.

One of the best ways to overcome social anxiety is to work with a mental health professional. Anxiety counseling will help you dig deeper into any root causes. You can use these as starting points on your healing journey, then learn to manage your symptoms, and eventually overcome the fear that is keeping you from having a full social life. If you are ready, I am here to help. Contact me today for a consultation.

High-Functioning Anxiety: Understanding Signs and Causes

Anxiety is the most common mental health issue in the world, but it does not necessarily impact everyone in the same way. Some people struggle so much with anxious thoughts that they find it hard to get through the day or perform the most basic tasks.

Others have what is known as high-functioning anxiety. While the fears and worries are still there and might be just as intense, those with high-functioning anxiety are typically able to maintain some kind of daily routine and sense of normalcy — at least on the surface.

So what exactly is high-functioning anxiety? Here is an in-depth look, including potential causes and signs you should look for.

What Causes High-Functioning Anxiety?

High-functioning anxiety usually does not stem from a single underlying cause. Rather, there are several factors that can come into play that might make someone more likely to experience it.

Genetics

It starts with a genetic predisposition. If members of your family have dealt with anxiety in the past, you might be more at risk of developing it yourself. However, environmental factors typically trigger anxiety and how you respond to it. Everything from stressful life events to societal pressures can cause anxious thoughts.

Perfectionism

It is not uncommon for people who consider themselves to be perfectionists to deal with high-functioning anxiety. You might look like you have everything together on the surface, but your perfectionism is driven by fear and worry.

Childhood

Unfortunately, high-functioning anxiety can also be triggered by childhood experiences. Maybe you had parents or caregivers with high expectations — or unrealistic ones. Feeling the constant pressure to perform or do well can cause any child to be anxious, and it’s not uncommon to carry those worries with you into adulthood, even though you maintain those high expectations for yourself.

What Are the Signs?

• High-functioning anxiety can impact you emotionally and behaviorally. On the inside, you might struggle with symptoms like excessive worry, a fear of failure, and irritability. It might seem like you are constantly on edge or you have a hard time relaxing.

• Externally, high-functioning anxiety can make it difficult to concentrate. You might overthink everything, leading to procrastination and avoidance. At the same time, you might have a difficult time saying “no” and end up taking on more than you can handle.

• Again, it is not uncommon for people with high-functioning anxiety to be perfectionists. However, they also tend to struggle with “imposter syndrome.” If you worry you are not good enough or somehow fooling everyone into thinking more highly of you than you actually are, it can lead to even more anxious thoughts.

• It is often difficult for people with high-functioning anxiety to express their emotions. They are often worried about letting people down, or they need constant reassurance. So, talking about struggles can be difficult.

What Can You Do?

If the signs of high-functioning anxiety sound familiar, the best thing you can do for yourself is to reach out for help. Even if you can get through your days and check off your tasks, you should not have to live with underlying fear and worry for the rest of your life. It will take a toll on your physical and mental health, affect your relationships, and have a negative effect on your quality of life.

Anxiety therapy can give you a better idea of where your anxiety stems from. Learning the root of your high-functioning anxiety will give you a better understanding of why you feel the way you do, so you can start taking positive steps forward. You will learn how to better manage your symptoms and take control of your anxious thoughts.

If you’re ready to take that step and live a life without anxiety at the wheel, contact us for a consultation.

What Is Brainspotting and What Is It Used For?

Dealing with any kind of trauma, negative thoughts, or invasive memories can have a huge impact on your overall quality of life. You might start to think you will never be able to move forward without the lasting side effects of your traumatic experience.

Thankfully, there are a variety of modalities that can help you process trauma, stress, anxiety, and more. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all option. Maybe you’ve looked into other types of therapies in the past, or you might have tried one or two, only to find that they didn’t have the effect you had hoped for.

If that’s the case, it might be time to consider brainspotting. It’s a science-backed psychotherapy technique that focuses on the connection between your central nervous system and how it could be impacting your mental health.

Let’s take a closer look at brainspotting and what it’s used for.

Digging Deeper Into Brainspotting

Brainspotting is a form of talk therapy and you’ll work with your therapist to discuss certain thoughts, memories, and experiences. However, it focuses more on the connection between those experiences and where they are being stored in the brain.

Through the brainspotting process, your therapist will use specific eye positions (brainspots) to identify unprocessed traumas stored in the brain. By fixating on each individual brain spot, you and your therapist will be able to work through those traumas or thoughts. You will uncover the challenges they’re causing and learn how to process them effectively.

How Does It Work?

When your eyes are focused on a specific spot, your therapist will encourage you to focus on how you feel. They’ll want you to pay attention to any bodily sensations, feelings of tension, or even things like changes in the way you’re breathing. This activates the area of the brain responsible for processing emotions.

Brainspotting taps into the midbrain, which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response. It’s also the area of the brain that stores traumatic memories. If those memories or thoughts aren’t released, it can cause you to feel like you’re in a constant state of distress. You might also feel like you’re always in a heightened state of fear.

What to Expect in a Session

As you remain focused on a specific brainspot, you might start to experience emotions, images, or even flashbacks of a traumatic event. While that isn’t necessarily an easy thing to think about, it’s the best way to release those emotions so you can start to process them.

Your therapist might use specific techniques to make processing these emotions easier, such as bilateral stimulation. Brainspotting takes a bottom-up approach. While it is a form of talk therapy, it focuses on bodily sensations first. It’s designed to dig deeper into the areas of the brain that you might not access on your own simply by talking about your experiences.

Who Is It for?

Brainspotting can be an extremely effective therapy for anyone who has experienced trauma or someone who is dealing with PTSD. However, it can also help with complex trauma, anxiety, depression, and even addiction issues.

If you are someone who doesn’t want to spend a lot of time sharing details about a traumatic event or you have a difficult time talking about it, brainspotting could be one of the best therapeutic options for you, especially if opening up has been an obstacle in the past.

Because some people consider brainspotting to be relatively new, it is understandable to have some questions. I’m happy to provide more information. Reach out to my office to set up a consultation for trauma counseling and work through those questions before starting treatment.

Healing Through Creativity: The Power of Art Therapy

There is not a one-size-fits-all option when it comes to therapy. What works for some people might not be as effective for others. No matter what you may be dealing with, from anxiety to depression or something completely different, it is important to walk on a healing journey that meets your needs.

So, it should come as no surprise that many people seek out alternatives to traditional therapy modalities. One popular option is art therapy.

Art therapy can be a powerful tool, allowing individuals to express themselves creatively and emotionally on their own timeline and their own terms. You do not need to be a great artist to benefit from this type of therapy. You only need to be open to its healing power.

Below is a closer look at what art therapy really is and how it can help you on your healing journey.

What Is Art Therapy?

Art therapy involves creating artistic pieces to help people explore and express their emotions. It can involve things like painting, drawing, or sculpting, and is done in a guided setting that meets the specific needs of each person.

It is not easy for everyone to fully understand their emotions. Even if you recognize some of your emotions, you might have a hard time expressing your feelings with words. Art therapy gives you the opportunity to express those things through your creations. You might even end up surprising yourself with what comes to life on paper or what you bring to life in a sculpture.

The focus of art therapy is not to judge your artistic skill. Rather, it focuses on the psychological and emotional aspects of expressing yourself through different outlets. Your therapist will guide you through that process, but you will have a lot of freedom to express yourself naturally.

What Are the Benefits?

There are countless benefits to this type of therapy. It provides a safe and unique place to express complex emotions or to learn more about what you are feeling in the moment. That might include things like depression, anger, or grief. It can also make it easier to process a traumatic experience.

You do not necessarily have to be struggling with major mental health issues to benefit from art therapy. Some people use it as a way to build their confidence and self-esteem, or to really discover who they are and what they want out of life.

Art therapy can also help to improve cognitive function. It is a great way to boost your attention span, foster problem-solving skills, and improve your memory.

Finally, it can be a great way to improve your social connections. Isolation and loneliness are huge problems for so many people and they can lead to issues like anxiety or depression. Many art therapy sessions are done in groups, so you can connect with people who might be experiencing similar emotions, or people who want to share more about themselves.

Who Benefits the Most?

Like almost every other type of mental health treatment, art therapy is not for everyone. But, it is a safe and unique way to express yourself, especially if you have not seen much success in more traditional forms of therapy.

If you have a hard time opening up verbally, if you have always loved being creative, or if you are looking for a way to dig deeper into your core values and sense of self without any pressure or timeline, art therapy might be for you.

If you are interested in learning more about what to expect from art therapy or how it can help you heal, I’m happy to answer any questions. Feel free to contact me to set up a consultation, and together we will unfold the healing power of art and creativity.

A Closer Look at Trauma and How It Affects the Brain

Most people understand that trauma can wreak havoc on your mental well-being—but it is so much more than just living with negative memories or fearful flashbacks. Traumatic experiences can actually change the chemistry and structure of your brain, leaving a lasting impact that is hard to heal from on your own.

The effects of trauma can linger for years because of these brain alterations, causing problems in everything from your career to your relationships.

Understanding how trauma affects the brain can be the necessary first step in coming to terms with your experience and seeking out the help you deserve. Here is a closer look at the changes your brain can go through after a traumatic event, and what you can do to start healing.

Boosted Amygdala Activity

The amygdala is the area of the brain responsible for processing your emotions—including fear. When you experience a traumatic event, the amygdala is not just triggered. It can become overly reactive. Essentially, your “fight-or-flight” response is on nearly all of the time. This causes heightened anxiety and can make you feel like there are threats everywhere, even when there are not.

While your brain’s response to fear is a survival mechanism, it is not something that is meant to be “on” all the time. If you start to react with impulse to perceived threats or you are always on alert, it is likely to cause a lot of stress and anxiety in your life.

A Blow to the Hippocampus

The hippocampus is responsible for memory storage and consolidation. Trauma can make it difficult for the hippocampus to work properly, so you might struggle with creating new memories.

If you have heard of trauma causing flashbacks and nightmares, that is also due to a dysfunction within the hippocampus. You are more likely to experience flashbacks of what happened to you. Because your new memories might not be getting stored properly, those flashbacks can often seem very real, making you feel like the traumatic experience is happening all over again.

Prefrontal Cortex Problems

The prefrontal cortex controls rational thinking and problem-solving within the brain. When you have experienced trauma, it can become less effective. That can make it difficult to think things through, overcome challenges, or see the bigger picture of a problem.

Children and teens do not have a fully developed prefrontal cortex. How do they think about things? They often lead with emotions and are not always thinking about the long-term consequences of their actions. The same problem can happen when your prefrontal cortex becomes less effective. Unfortunately, as an adult, having trouble concentrating or problem-solving can create issues in your relationships, your career, and more.

Healing the Brain

It can be scary and overwhelming to think that your brain changes after a traumatic experience. But, with the right treatment and support, you can heal from the effects of trauma and retrain your brain to work the way it should again.

There are many things you can do on your own to promote healing in your daily life. Self-care practices, mindfulness, meditation, and journaling are all great ways to start fighting back against the effects of trauma—including negative invasive thoughts.

The best way to walk through your healing journey is to work with a mental health professional. Trauma therapy can help you dig into the core of your trauma. When you learn where it stems from, you can start to challenge the negative thoughts while managing your symptoms more effectively. All the while, you will be healing the impact of trauma on your brain, so things will start to work normally once again.

If you are ready to take that step or you want to learn more, feel free to contact my office for a consultation.

Complicated Grief: What to Know and How to Heal

Almost everyone will experience grief at some point in life. We all go through periods of loss, and grief can come from more than just losing someone you love. It can happen when you lose a job, sell a home, or make another major life change.

Complicated grief, however, is a bit different. It’s an ongoing, heightened sense of mourning. This kind of grief often prevents the person dealing with it from fully healing and moving forward with their life.

What causes complicated grief, and how is it different? More importantly, what can you do to heal and find peace when you’re dealing with it? Let’s take a closer look.

What Causes Complicated Grief?

There isn’t one underlying cause that creates complicated grief. Rather, it typically has to do with several factors, including the type of loss you’re experiencing and your mental health state or history.

For example, complicated grief is more likely to occur when there’s an unexpected or shocking death, like a tragic accident or suicide. Experiencing multiple losses at once can also contribute to this kind of grief.

On a personal level, everything from a history of anxiety or depression, or negative childhood experiences, to social isolation can increase your risk of experiencing complicated grief. These factors often make it more likely to develop a preoccupation with the loss you’re experiencing, so it’s hard to think about anything else, let alone move forward.

What Are the Symptoms?

On the surface, the symptoms of complicated grief look similar to “normal” grief. But you’re likely to experience more intense, harmful feelings that can quickly have a negative impact on your quality of life.

Complicated grief creates intense emotional pain. You’re likely to experience longing, loneliness, sadness, and potentially even anger or guilt. Some people struggle with identity disruption. You might feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself and you don’t know who you are.

It usually doesn’t take long for the effects of complicated grief to impact nearly every area of life. You might have trouble simply getting through the day and functioning the way you should. It can cause sleep disturbances, physical health problems like a loss of appetite, and even suicidal thoughts.

How Can You Heal?

When you’re dealing with complicated grief, the weight of your emotions can often feel overwhelming. Don’t try to sweep those feelings under the rug. Acknowledging them is the first step toward healing. Be patient with yourself and show self-compassion. When you stop trying to fight your feelings, you can start to work through them.

But don’t do it alone.

Complicated grief can cause you to want to isolate yourself, but that’s likely to make your symptoms worse. Grief therapy is often the best way to work through this type of grief and finally find some peace. Through the therapeutic experience, you’ll learn how to process your emotions, work through negative thoughts, and discover healthy coping mechanisms that will help you with everyday symptoms.

Therapy also helps you set realistic goals for yourself. You can break down the healing process into smaller pieces so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. When you reach each small goal, it can provide a boost of confidence and give you the motivation you need to continue your journey.

Therapy will also encourage you to practice self-care. Doing at least one thing to promote your well-being each day can make a big difference in how you feel, physically and mentally. Self-care practices will help you see how important it is to truly heal and start the next chapter of your life.

Dealing with any kind of loss is never easy, but complicated grief shouldn’t keep you from truly living your life. If you’re ready to start healing, feel free to reach out today.

Tips for Communicating Effectively as a Family

It can seem like some families just “click” when it comes to communication. Everyone is open and honest and has no problems showing vulnerability. But that is not the case for everyone.

Family communication does not always come naturally. Personalities can be a factor, as well as family history or simply the dynamic everyone grew up with, but ignoring communication issues within your family will only make matters worse. It is important to be able to communicate with each other in healthy, effective ways that will carry on to the next generation.

With that in mind, here are some tips you can use to communicate effectively as a family so you can start putting them into practice right away.

Be an Active Listener

Communication is a two-way street. While being able to talk about your feelings and needs is important, it is just as essential to be a good listener.

Listening and hearing are two different things. To be an active listener, eliminate distractions when a family member is trying to talk to you. Give them the time and space they need to express themselves, and make sure your attention is on them.

Use verbal and nonverbal cues to let them know that you are listening. Ask questions and repeat statements as needed. This kind of listening will help that person feel understood and valued. Not only will it improve communication, but it will make them more likely to be an active listener when you speak, too.

Use “I” Statements

It can be easy to play the blame game in relationships — including familial ones, but even if a family member is hurting or challenging you in some way, try to avoid pointing fingers.

Instead of suggesting that they are in the wrong, use “I” statements to let them know how you feel about the issue. Chances are, your family is not trying to hurt you or cause problems on purpose. When they know how things are affecting you, the negative actions are more likely to stop.

Shift Perspective

One of the great things about families is that they are made up of many different personalities. Of course, that can also be what causes everyone to clash sometimes.

Empathy is an important communication tool, especially when it comes to dealing with family members. Try to shift your perspective and think about how other family members might be thinking or feeling. When you acknowledge those feelings, you can respond with compassion and respect.

Individual Communication Styles

You are not always going to have big family meetings with everyone involved. While it can be great to get multiple people together as often as possible, most of your interactions with family members will probably be one-on-one.

So, try to learn and understand everyone’s different communication styles. Everyone has unique needs and feelings. By focusing on those things while communicating with one person at a time, you can adjust your own communication style to meet those needs. Doing so is likely to result in a better, more open experience for all parties during every conversation.

Reach Out for Help

Again, family communication is important, but it is not always easy. If you feel like there are roadblocks keeping you from healthy, effective communication with your family, you do not have to work through them alone.

Family therapy is a great way to better understand why those roadblocks are there. What caused them, and what can you do about them? You will learn more about your own communication style and needs, and healthy ways to show vulnerability and open up around your family. Feel free to reach out for more information or to set up a consultation soon.

How Common Is Infidelity? Exploring the Prevalence and Impact in Modern Relationships

Most people recognize cheating in relationships as a negative thing, but that doesn’t necessarily stop them from doing it. In fact, recent studies have shown that infidelity in modern relationships is fairly common.

About 20% of men and 13% of women have reported cheating on a partner. While there are countless factors that can play into infidelity, those statistics might be a bit shocking to some.

So, why do people cheat? Why is infidelity so common, and what impact is it having on today’s relationships?

The Monogamy Argument

Some people argue that monogamy is natural for humans, but that might not necessarily be true. Most species in the animal kingdom do not mate for life, with a few exceptions — including, supposedly, humans.

People argue the validity of monogamy using many different factors to back them up. Often, Biblical arguments are used, but so many major figures of the Bible had multiple wives and tended to practice more polygamous lifestyles.

There is not some kind of test that can be performed to determine if humans are naturally monogamous or not, but one might argue that if we are, why is infidelity such a major issue? Why is it the subject of so many movies, television shows, and songs? Why do we spend so much time talking about it, thinking about it, and dissecting it? It is something on our minds and something we want to learn more about, so the idea of staying with one person for life might not be as “natural” as some people think.

Why Do People Cheat?

Again, there are countless reasons why people decide to commit adultery in a relationship. Some of the most common causes include unmet needs (physical or emotional), poor communication, self-esteem issues, attachment issues, or the desire for something new.

Infidelity is a different experience for everyone. Some people specifically seek out new relationships as something different and exciting. Others find opportunity in the least-expected places and take advantage of it.

A Slippery Slope

Some people today do not believe that humans are naturally monogamous, so they are completely okay with the idea of an open relationship. They might have a committed partner, but both people are free to date others, and even be intimate with others.

While both partners are not necessarily cheating, by their own definitions, these actions can still take a toll on the relationship.

The Impact of Infidelity

No matter the reason, there is no denying that infidelity can take a toll on a relationship. First, it impacts trust. If you are in a committed relationship and you cheat on your partner, it will be extremely difficult for them to trust you again. If someone cheats on you, that lack of trust might carry over into future relationships.

Cheating can also lead to mental health issues like depression or anxiety. You might start to feel insecure and carry those worries with you into other areas of life.

Even in an open relationship, your partner being with someone else can wreak havoc on your mental well-being. You might start to wonder why they prefer that person over you. It can impact your self-esteem and the way you carry yourself. Whether you stay in that relationship or not, viewing yourself in a negative light can create attachment or dependency issues and foster unhealthy relationship habits.

No matter how you feel about infidelity or how common it is, there’s no denying the negative impact it can have on relationships and individuals. If you are struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, being able to talk to someone is key. Do not hesitate to reach out for help and schedule a consultation for couples therapy soon.

5 Signs of High-Functioning Depression

Depression isn’t a one-size-fits-all condition. While most people understand the basics of what it looks like, it can impact everyone differently. Some people might have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. Others — especially those with high-functioning depression — are often able to live normal lives on the surface.

But what is high-functioning depression?

It doesn’t mean you push down your feelings or pretend you’re not really struggling. Rather, it’s a way to describe people with depression who are able to get through their daily tasks.

Let’s take a look at some signs of high-functioning depression. If you’re dealing with it, you deserve the same help and support as someone dealing with severe depression, so it’s important to know what to look for.

1. Hard to See the Bright Side

Maybe you have a hard time thinking about anything in a positive light. Do you consider yourself to be somewhat of a “downer?” Maybe people have even called you that before.

Your negative, sad thoughts might not stop you from getting up in the morning, going to work, or caring for yourself or your family, but they’re always there. They’re persistent and make it difficult to see the bright side of things.

2. You’re Hard on Yourself

High-functioning depression can make you highly critical of yourself. Even when someone chooses to give you a compliment, you might not believe it or you might see a negative contrast.

You might even look for ways to put yourself down. This kind of negative self-talk fuels depression and perpetuates the cycle. You might be able to interact with others and even stay social, but when you’re not kind to yourself, those settings become uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming.

3. Weight Changes

One of the symptoms of depression is a change in your eating habits. This is just as true for high-functioning depression. In fact, you might turn to food even more frequently as a way to find comfort or to combat negative feelings while ensuring you’re still getting through the day.

While overeating to cope with depression can cause you to gain weight, some people with high-functioning depression experience the opposite issue. They forget to eat because their thoughts are so distracting. So, they tend to lose weight. These fluctuations aren’t just clear signs of depression, but they can also be dangerous to your physical well-being.

4. Struggling to Feel Normal

To the outside world, you might be going through life like everyone else. People might notice that you seem sad or down sometimes, but because you’re able to keep up with school or work, they likely won’t assume anything is wrong.

You might not think anything is wrong, either. When you have consistent, persistent feelings of sadness, you might start to get used to them, and assume that’s just how things are, rather than acknowledging there’s a bigger problem.

So, even if you can get through your daily tasks, think about how difficult it is. Do you struggle to get things done? Do you lack motivation and find yourself having to “push through?” That’s likely a sign of something bigger than simple sadness.

5. Feeling Hopeless

High-functioning depression doesn’t necessarily take away the thoughts of sadness and hopelessness that often go with this condition. You might be able to get through the workday, but do you find yourself often crying at home? Maybe when you walk through the door and sit down on the couch for the night, you feel your lowest because your thoughts are able to creep in without any distractions to help.

Unfortunately, there are many other signs of high-functioning depression, but knowing just a few can be the motivation you need to seek help. You don’t have to live this way forever. Depression therapy can help you better understand the root of your depression while offering valuable strategies for symptom management. If you’re interested in learning more, reach out for a consultation today.

How to Start Practicing Radical Acceptance Now

So many people spend a lot of time trying to stay in control. In reality, there are very few things in life that we actually have complete control over. When you fight against those things, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

Instead, consider adopting a mindset of radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance is more than a distress tolerance skill. It’s a way to accept and work through life’s challenges and difficult situations by realizing that some things are simply out of your control.

Of course, practicing radical acceptance can take a bit of effort. Let’s take a closer look at what this skill really is and how you can start to change the way you think in dealing with whatever curveballs life throws your way.

What Is Radical Acceptance?

Fighting back against the things you can’t change or control can cause a lot of discord in your life. Even if you don’t necessarily consider yourself a perfectionist, there are many things you might wish you could change, but simply can’t.

Letting go of that desire to fight back can make a big difference.

Radical acceptance is the practice of accepting the things that can’t be changed. The idea is that by fully embracing the things out of your control, you’ll reduce suffering in your life.

You can still acknowledge your emotions and how certain situations make you feel. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you should ignore or avoid difficult situations. Rather, you can feel sad, frustrated, or even upset about certain things without trying to change them. Accepting what’s out of your control can actually make it easier to navigate those emotions and work through them in healthy ways.

Identify What You Can’t Control

The first step in practicing radical acceptance is to learn what your triggers are. Is there something out of your control that you’ve been fighting back against? When you recognize which aspects of a situation are out of your hands, you can start to let go.

As soon as you’re able to do that, you can also pay closer attention to your emotions. You’ll be able to gain a better perspective on how often you tend to resist what’s going to happen. Being more in tune with your emotions can make it easier to process them in healthier, more effective ways.

Be More Mindful

Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the moment. Life is full of “what ifs,” and those can fuel situations that are out of our control. But when you start dwelling on the past or thinking about the future, it can give you a false sense of control, causing you to want to resist reality.

When you choose to be more mindful, you’ll stay grounded in the present. Close your eyes and focus on deep breaths as you take in the sounds, smells, and feelings of your surroundings. This practice can help to calm you down and be more accepting of the challenges ahead of you.

Speak Acceptance Out Loud

This can take some practice, but actually accepting the things you can’t control out loud can make a big difference.

Consider saying things like, “It is what it is,” or “This is out of my control.” It’s okay to start small, and you should be kind and compassionate to yourself as you attempt to release the things you can’t change. By putting these small sayings out there, they can feel more real and concrete.

Practicing radical acceptance takes time, and you might be tempted to slip back into resisting more than once. If you’re looking for additional help with this practice or learn more about anxiety treatment, contact me for more effective strategies and insight into why radical acceptance can make such a difference in your life.

What Is Reparenting?

In a perfect world, everyone would grow up with loving parents or caregivers. They would experience the right amount of emotional and physical attention, support, and nurturing. They would form secure bonds and attachments from an early age that would allow them to feel that sense of security in all relationships as they grow.

Unfortunately, we all know we don’t live in that world. Far too often, the emotional and physical needs of children aren’t met. It can lead to serious psychological issues later in life, impacting relationships, personal views, and so much more.

That’s why the practice of reparenting has become increasingly popular as a way to heal emotional childhood wounds.

Let’s take a closer look at reparenting, what it really is, and how you can use it to give yourself the care you deserved as a child.

What Does Reparenting Really Mean?

The concept of reparenting isn’t new. It’s been around in some form since the 1970s, though has undergone changes over the years. Today, most reparenting is considered self-reparenting. It focuses on the idea that if you had unmet emotional or physical needs as a child, you can essentially give yourself what your caregivers did not.

Maybe you had a caregiver who lacked affection, made you feel unsafe, or didn’t provide structure in your life. As an adult, you can learn new ways to harness those things yourself. You’ll develop a greater sense of self and learn how to foster healthy relationships along the way. Ultimately, the goal is to achieve whatever you were lacking in childhood due to your parent or caregiver.

Why Reparenting Can Be Helpful

Reparenting can be impactful for anyone who experienced a childhood with unmet needs. Maybe you’ve tried to repress some of those negative memories, but they’ve led to unhealthy habits as an adult.

With that being said, reparenting can be helpful if you’re trying to overcome those unhealthy patterns. Maybe you have trouble communicating effectively, or your own insecurities tend to sabotage relationships.

By breaking down negative patterns that stem from childhood, you’re able to learn healthier, more effective ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

Reparenting gives you the opportunity to learn what healthy communication looks like, as well as healthy relationships. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to better understand and express your emotions. Not only will that improve your sense of self, but it will make it easier to understand others, especially when it comes to relationships.

What to Expect

The process of reparenting takes time. After all, you’re trying to break patterns and habits that began years ago. But you don’t have to do it on your own. Even if you’re considering self-reparenting, consider working with a therapist to help guide you through the process.

Keep in mind that part of the process will likely include looking back on painful experiences from childhood. If you’ve been trying to avoid or ignore those experiences, this can be a difficult journey—but it’s a necessary first step in the healing process.

In addition to looking back on where the negative patterns came from, you’ll learn how to exchange them for healthier habits that can completely change the way you see yourself and those around you. Be patient with yourself, show self-compassion and kindness, and keep your expectations realistic. If you’re frustrated with your progress or run into bumps in the road due to negative thought patterns, talk things through with your therapist.

You don’t have to live with the effects of attachment issues or unmet needs from childhood forever. Reparenting is a great way to break the cycle of negativity that’s likely had a hold on your life for too long. If you’re interested in learning more, please contact us for information about trauma therapy or to set up an appointment.

Fostering a Positive Self-Image in Teens

The teenage years can be difficult. Teens go through a lot that you might not think about. They’re dealing with hormonal and bodily changes. They’re trying to fit in, socially, while staying true to themselves. On top of that, they’re learning who they really are and who they want to be. 

Add in academic pressure and worries about what they might do in the future, and it’s no wonder so many teens struggle with mental health issues — including poor self-image. 

Promoting a sense of mental well-being for the teenager in your life is important. It will teach them how to prioritize their mental health at an early age. If you notice that your teen is struggling specifically with self-image, there are things you can do to help them change their perspective, too. 

Let’s look at a few different ways you can foster a positive self-image in teens. 

Validate Their Feelings

Even if your teen is dealing with negative feelings, it’s important that they feel seen, heard, and understood. 

Let them know their feelings are valid. Talk to them about better understanding where those feelings come from. When they know what’s causing a negative self-image, they’ll be able to start fighting back against it. It will also give you a better idea of how to help them work through things. 

Validation is key in letting them know that their feelings matter — including the negative ones. 

Avoid Comparisons

It’s human nature to compare ourselves to other people. Unfortunately, that seems to be an even bigger problem for teens, especially in this social media-filled world. 

Encourage your teen to be self-compassionate and kind to themselves. Help them avoid comparisons by limiting social media time and instead having them focus on their strengths and positive qualities. 

Positive affirmations each day can help your teen recognize their value and worth. They’ll start to see everything they have to offer that’s unique and specific to them, so they’ll be less likely to stick to comparisons of other people. 

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be used for more than just anxiety. It’s a great way for teens to pause and start thinking about how they can respond to negative thoughts in a positive, productive way. 

It’s not uncommon for teenagers to be impulsive of make quick decisions without thinking things through. By encouraging mindfulness, you can help your teen slow down to look at the reality of a situation. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to keep negative self-talk from creeping in. 

Be a Positive Role Model

It might not always seem like your teenager is watching you, but they are. You are still the first person they look to when it comes to how they should live their life. 

So, make sure you’re living yours with a positive self-image. Don’t put yourself down or focus on the negative things about yourself you want to change. Show confidence and self-compassion, and avoid comparing yourself to others. 

By being a positive self-image role model, you’ll give your teen a blueprint for how they can see themselves in a better light without letting external factors change their perspective. 

Self-Care

Self-care looks different for everyone, especially depending on the stage of life you’re in. For a teenager, it might include getting enough sleep, staying physically active, journaling, or meditating. 

Self-care is a great way to encourage mental wellness at any age. It can help to reduce your teen’s stress while allowing them to foster a positive self-image. When they recognize they’re worthy of daily self-care, they’re more likely to feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. 

If you’re concerned that your teen is still struggling with self-image issues, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Again, encouraging mental wellness now can go a long way for your teen’s future. Contact me for more information or to set up an appointment for family counseling soon.