People Pleasing, No Thank you.

Being selfless and willing to do things for others is never a bad thing. Everyone could lend a helping hand more often, and the world would be a better place. 

However, there’s a fine line between helping out when you can, and never saying “no” when someone asks something of you. Whether your co-workers are always getting you to do their work, your friends are dragging you along to places you don’t want to go, or your family is volunteering you for things you’re not interested in, you could be getting walked all over on a daily basis. 

Sound familiar? 

If so, you’re probably a people pleaser – and, you’re probably exhausted. 

Thankfully, there are things you can do to learn to say “no” effectively and kindly. You don’t have to regularly feel burnt out just because you’re trying to appease everyone. 

With that in mind, let’s look at some ways to stop people-pleasing, so you can take control of your own life. 

Set the Right Boundaries

The best way to stop people-pleasing is to set boundaries. They should be set for yourself, and for the people in your life. 

Boundaries aren’t unkind or unfair. They’re necessary to maintain a healthy balance within your life and to keep others from taking advantage of you. 

Your boundaries can be different depending on who you’re dealing with. For example, you might set boundaries with co-workers by saying you can’t take on any more work for them, but you can offer your advice or support. 

When it comes to your friends, your boundaries might involve limiting your time with certain ones who are always begging you to go places you don’t want to or get involved in activities that don’t interest you. 

Make your boundaries clear and direct. Most people in your life will appreciate and respect them. 

Make Time for Yourself

We live in an era where self-care is becoming more prominent and popular than ever. But, it’s more than just a buzzword. It’s something everyone needs and deserves – including people-pleasers!

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to set aside time each day to find ways to relax. Even if you have to pencil it into your schedule, making time for self-care is crucial. Try things like exercising, meditating, or journaling to reduce your stress and feel more in-tune with your innermost self. 

When you make self-care a priority, you’ll also start to realize your value and worth. It can boost your self-esteem and confidence, and make it easier to say “no” to things you don’t want to do. 

You Can’t Please Everyone

Even if you’ve been a people-pleaser for as long as you can remember, chances are you’ve never been able to make everyone happy. 

People tend to have notoriously high expectations, and it’s often hard to meet them. If you’ve stretched yourself too thin, you’re not going to be able to give everyone your best. You could end up “letting them down” even if you’ve agreed to do something. 

Instead, focus on saying “yes” to things that you really want to do. Help the people who really need it. You’ll be able to dedicate more time to them without feeling overwhelmed. As for those who you have to turn down, don’t give it too much thought. You’re only one person, and you can’t please everyone. 

Learning to be assertive isn’t always easy. But, the more you take care of yourself through healthy boundaries and daily relaxation, the more you’ll realize how strong you are. It will become easier to stand up for yourself with time, so you can enjoy more of the things you love without feeling pulled in a hundred different directions.

If you need help easing your anxiety over wanting to people please, connect with us so we can help you assert your boundaries.