People Pleasing Might Be Fueling Depression: Here's How

Most people don’t see it as a negative thing to be a people-pleaser. After all, what’s wrong with helping others or going out of your way to make sure the people in your life are happy? There's usually nothing wrong with that, but people-pleasing often goes far beyond simply helping people out or wanting to make the lives of others easier.

Multiple studies have shown that people-pleasing is often linked to depression. So, while you’re busy making other people feel happy, it could be damaging your mental well-being. Let’s take a closer look at the connection and what you can do to take charge of your mental health.

Overlooking Your Own Needs

When you prioritize the needs and wants of others over your own, you could be missing out on essential self-care practices.

People-pleasing can cause you to not have the time, energy, or resources to focus on your own needs because you’re giving everything you have to others. While helping people can be rewarding, it can’t be done at the expense of your well-being. As the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Eventually, you’ll be completely burned out. Not only will that impact your physical well-being, but mentally it can leave you feeling helpless, hopeless, and depressed.

Validation and Approval

It’s not uncommon for people-pleasers to struggle with insecurity or self-esteem issues. You might go out of your way for others in an attempt to get approval or to feel validated. Sometimes, people-pleasers can go so far as to view their self-worth based on the approval of others.

Additionally, people-pleasers tend to put their own dreams, desires, and interests aside in favor of doing what others might want. When you don’t give the things you love enough time and attention, you’re going to feel like you have nothing to look forward to. That, too, can lead to depression and feel incredibly isolating and unfulfilling.

Living in Fear

The need for validation often comes with a sense of fear or anxiety. People-pleasing and social anxiety can often be linked because they both stem from a fear of judgment. You might worry that if you don’t go out of your way to do things for people, they will think poorly of you. They might see you in a negative light or even talk about you behind your back.

Of course, these fears are rarely based on reality. But they can seem very real and overwhelming when you’re struggling with them. Fear, on its own, can trigger anxiety and depression, and when you add in the exhausting task of ignoring your needs for others, your depression is likely to become worse.

What Can You Do? 

It’s easy to think that you can just stop being a people-pleaser overnight. But you likely didn’t build this mindset quickly, and it’s going to take some time to change it — and your habits.

So, how can you stop being a people-pleaser and take charge of your mental health? Recognizing that it’s becoming a problem is the first step. When you see that your people-pleasing tendencies are negatively impacting you, it will be easier to start refraining from them.

Instead of giving in to the needs of others, try to spend more time focusing on what you need, especially if you’re dealing with depression. Make self-care a priority in your life, including activities like exercising, journaling, and practicing mindfulness. Self-care can help you recognize your worth, so you’re more likely to start taking care of your needs before worrying about the needs of others.

It can also be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional. There could be a deeper underlying cause when it comes to your people-pleasing, and learning where it stems from can be a great first step toward managing your depression and changing the way you act around others. If you feel like you need to reach out to someone, don't hesitate to contact us for an anxiety therapy appointment!