My Partner Has Alexithymia! 5 Ways You Can Help

Most people understand the importance of communication in a relationship. But, for someone with alexithymia, communication can be difficult, because they aren’t fully aware of their own emotions — or their partner’s emotions. 

Alexithymia is a condition in which a person has a hard time identifying their emotions or expressing them. It can create discomfort in and out of relationships, and cause that person to seem apathetic. Obviously, in a relationship, that isn’t what you want. 

Alexithymia can make it difficult for your partner to connect with your emotions, so you might think they’re somehow cold or that they don’t care. That couldn’t be further from the truth. People with alexithymia feel all of the same emotions as everyone else. They just have a harder time expressing them. 

So, what can you do to help?

1. Be Clear and Concise

Again, communication is a key component of a healthy relationship. Don’t give up on it just because of this condition. Instead, double down on your efforts and be clear and direct about your needs and wants. 

By directly telling your partner how you feel about something, there is less room for miscommunication or negative assumptions. Don’t assume that non-verbal cues will be effective, because they’re not likely to understand how you’re really feeling through subtle hints. 

2. Educate Yourself

Your partner might not know that they have alexithymia, especially if they’ve been feeling the same way most of their life. 

If you’ve noticed some of the signs of the condition, educate yourself further. Take a look at more of the common symptoms, causes, and effects. The more you educate yourself, the easier it will be to pass that knowledge onto your partner, so they can develop a better understanding of what they’re dealing with. Awareness doesn’t automatically fix everything, but it certainly helps. 

3. Help Them With Their Feelings

You have a unique opportunity to serve as your partner’s guide for feelings. While you have to tread lightly in “telling” them how they might be feeling, you can certainly guide them based on your observations to help them understand the name of an emotion. 

For example, it’s usually fairly easy to see when someone is angry or sad. Point those instances out to your partner. When you do, they’ll be able to identify the right emotion as it relates to what they’re feeling internally. 

4. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can actually make a big difference in your relationship. It can sometimes be challenging, being in a relationship with someone who has difficulty understanding and expressing their emotions. 

If you truly want to support and help them, you have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

Take the time to incorporate relaxation efforts into your day. That could include mindfulness, meditation, or journaling. The less stressed you are, the more you’ll be able to help your partner work through this condition. 

5. Encourage Therapy

Therapy is a great way for your partner to learn more about their condition in a safe and judgment-free environment. 

Working with a therapist can also help them better understand where their alexithymia might have stemmed from, so they can start working on it from the ground up. They’ll learn better communication skills, and eventually be able to feel more in tune with their own emotions. 

Alexithymia can be difficult for both people in a relationship to deal with. But, it doesn’t have to create lasting turmoil or communication problems. Encourage your partner to contact me for couples counseling, and continue to support them however you can by being patient and helping them understand what they’re feeling.