3 Easy Ways To Have Healthy Conflict In Your Relationship

The idea of conflict in your relationship might not be all that appealing. No couple likes arguing or disagreeing. Sometimes, it can even feel like your conflicts never really “go away”, and you just sweep them under the rug for a while. 

While conflicts aren’t exactly fun for anyone, they’re often a normal part of healthy relationships. 

Yes, the happiest, healthiest couples in the world still have disagreements. It’s how they choose to work through those disagreements that makes a difference. 

Not sure how to have healthy conflict in your relationship? Let’s cover three easy ways that can change the way you and your partner communicate during disagreements.

1. Focus on the Present

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you’re dealing with a conflict is to bring up past hurts. That’s the issue with sweeping things under the rug – they never really go away until you work through them. 

If you and your partner are disagreeing about something, focus on that. Be mindful of the moment, and don’t bring up conflicts from the past that caused problems. Doing so lets your partner know you didn’t “forgive and forget”. It also might tell them that you’re harboring resentment. 

More importantly, if you don’t let go of those past hurts and you continue to bring them up, you’re not doing yourself any favors, either. They will stir inside you and cause constant tension. 

If there are unresolved issues in your relationship, dedicate a specific time to talk about them. But, don’t let them come into a disagreement or conflict that’s happening in the present.

2. Be Respectful

It can be difficult to show respect when you’re upset about something and you feel like your partner is the perpetrator. 

However, a lack of respect can cause even a small conflict to feel like something much bigger and daunting. It’s important to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. That’s not always easy to do when you’re disagreeing about things. 

But, if there’s not an undertone of respect in every conflict, you’re both more likely to say hurtful things. You’re also both more likely to feel the need to “win” the argument rather than come up with the most effective solution. 

Talk about the importance of respect in your relationship and make an agreement to give it to each other, even when you’re upset.

3. Don’t Play the Blame Game

One of the big problems that comes from needing a “winner” or “loser” in an argument is that you’ll rarely look to yourself as a source of any conflict. 

Sometimes, one person is clearly in the wrong. Other times, you might simply disagree on a subject. Either way, it’s important to show grace and look within to determine what you could be doing differently – or better. 

Even if your partner has done something wrong, you’re not going to make the situation better by pointing the finger at them. 

Instead of blaming them (or vice versa), acknowledge that you both make mistakes or that you simply have different views on certain things. That’s okay. You’re human and you’re flawed.

When you use “I” statements to tell your partner how you’re feeling, you’ll quickly de-escalate your disagreement. Focus on how the situation makes you feel, take responsibility for your actions, and shift your focus on how you can overcome the problem rather than arguing about it. 

Healthy conflict isn’t a bad thing. When done the right way, it can actually end up strengthening your relationship. Keep these ideas in mind to change the way you communicate during conflicts, and your arguments will never be the same. 

Reach out soon to learn more about couples counseling.