How To Parent A Strong-Willed Child

We often throw the term “strong-willed” around to identify children who are independent, outspoken, and determined. But, if you’re the parent of a strong-willed child, you know that those positive qualities can also be difficult to deal with, at times. 

In the end, the parent-child relationship remains, and it needs to be held to a certain standard. If your child is strong-willed, you might have a hard time keeping your authority or getting them to do the things that are asked of them. 

So, how can you parent a strong-willed child without crushing the positive attributes of those personality traits? How can you teach them independence and determination while setting boundaries and understanding roles? 

Understand Their Triggers

As a parent, you probably understand your child’s power struggles better than anyone else. Does it feel like a constant fight to get your child to do homework right when they get home from school? Do you have to negotiate with them to eat the food on their plate at every meal? 

If so, these are your child’s “triggers”. While some of their power struggles might seem to come out of nowhere, most are pretty consistent. Identify those common struggles and think about how you can reshape them. 

For example, if your child doesn’t want to do their homework right after school, ask them if they’d have an easier time tackling it after a snack or even after they’ve had an hour or so to unwind and relax. It’s not about winning battles, it’s about giving them a bit more autonomy when you know something is a trigger for them. 

Handing Over Control

Speaking of giving them more autonomy, that can be a “scary” thing for parents! But, giving your child a bit more control over certain things doesn’t mean you’re swapping roles or telling them they have free reign over every choice. 

Instead, pick your battles and choose some small things that are okay for your child to control. That might include letting them choose their outfits for school, or which dinner plate they want each night. They’re small choices that can have a big impact on a strong-willed child. 

Show Respect

One of the biggest mistakes parents make, in general, is not respecting their children. You can argue that respect is earned. In some cases, that’s true. But, when you have a strong-willed child, showing them that their feelings are valid and that you understand their frustrations is essential. 

By showing respect, you aren’t somehow giving up your power. You’re giving your child an “inch”, and they’ll appreciate that. When you show them respect, you’re sending a message that they are strong and capable. You’re also teaching them how to be respectful of others. That’s an important trait they’ll carry with them well into adulthood. 

Figure Out How to Problem-Solve

As a parent, it can be tempting to discipline or even punish your child when they challenge your authority or push their independence too far. 

Discipline is necessary at times. It should be used as a tool for guidance, not to punish your kids. 

However, as often as possible, try to work out a solution with your child to whatever problem they might be facing. Why don’t they want to do homework right after school? Is there a bigger issue going on there? 

Sometimes, looking at the big picture can also make a big difference. You and your child are on the same team and likely want the same things. You just might have different approaches on how to reach those things. 

Is raising a strong-willed child easy? Not always. But, there are so many benefits to that type of personality. Make sure you’re fostering it, rather than trying to push it down. Reach out to us to learn more about family therapy and how it can benefit you.