4 Tips For Quieting Your Anxiety When You Are Competing

As an athlete, you understand the importance of focus. If you aren’t able to “keep your head in the game,” you run the risk of performing poorly, getting injured, and losing self-esteem and confidence in your abilities. 

There are plenty of things that can potentially shake your focus, including anxiety. Anxiety tends to be fueled by a fear of the unknown. When you’re trying to perform at a top level, there are plenty of unknown factors that can trigger that fear and cause you to worry about what’s going to happen. 

So, how can you quiet that anxiety when you’re competing, and ensure you’re going to perform with a clear and focused mind?

1. Listen to Positive Self-Talk

One thing that can certainly cause anxiety to feel louder and more overwhelming than ever is negative self-talk. As the old saying goes, you are your own worst enemy. It’s easy for negative self-talk to creep in and convince you that you’re not good at what you do. Or, it might tell you that you’re going to fail or “choke” somehow during your competition. 

Instead of giving into that negative self-talk, replace it with positivity. That might include saying positive affirmations out loud, actively fighting back with positive words whenever negative thoughts start coming in, or finding other ways to boost your confidence. 

2. Practice Makes Perfect

As an athlete, you’re no stranger to practice and training. But, if your anxiety comes from a fear of failure, add in another practice session. Do something until it becomes second nature and you feel completely confident in it. 

Granted, you can’t control every factor of a game or other sporting event. There are some elements that will always be up in the air. But, when you’re 100% confident that you know how to execute, you can fight back against thoughts telling you that you aren’t good enough.

3. Reduce Anxiety Elsewhere

If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed in other areas of life, it could be creeping into your mindset while competing. Quieting something like performance anxiety often requires quieting that anxiety elsewhere, too. 

So, find ways to relax and de-stress whenever possible. Things like mindfulness, meditation, journaling, and physical activity for enjoyment (not just training) can all help to reduce your stress levels. Mindfulness and meditation are also wonderful ways to improve focus and help you feel more present. 

4. Prepare for the Worst

Again, anxiety is fueled by the unknown. It’s easy for your mind to go to the worst possible scenario and fear the worst potential outcomes. So, think about those things ahead of time. 

That might sound counterproductive, but it gives you some control. When you consider the worst thing that could happen, you also give yourself time to make a plan and think about how you’ll respond, one way or another. That helps with preparedness and makes the worst-case scenario seem far less scary. 

Competing at any level requires extreme focus. If you give into the effects of anxiety, you’re going to lose focus and end up participating in a self-fulfilling prophecy that causes your performance to suffer. 

So, consider using some of these tips to combat anxiety while competing. Not only can they improve your athletic performance, but they can help you manage your mental health even when you aren’t competing. 

If you’re still struggling with anxiety, at any time, don’t hesitate to reach out for sports counseling. Often, getting to the root of the issue is the best way to start healing and moving forward. A therapist can help with that, and offer even more effective suggestions to manage your symptoms and overcome anxiety for good. 

How Can Counseling Help Me As A Competitive Athlete?

When you’re a competitive athlete, it’s easy for people to view you as some kind of machine, expected to perform and win time and time again. But, underneath your athletic abilities and talent, you’re only human. 

When you’re a competitive athlete, you’re a human with a lot of pressure on your shoulders. 

Whether you’re feeling the stress of your sport, the pressure to succeed, or you’re trying to get through the mental health challenges that often come with injuries and strain, counseling can be an effective way to cope. 

If you’ve never considered counseling before, let’s dig a little deeper into how it can help you as an athlete to maintain both your physical and mental well-being. 

Success for the Whole Self

One of the best reasons for an athlete to see a counselor is to foster and maintain a sense of wellness for the whole self. 

You probably wouldn’t dream of skipping practice or giving up on your training regimen. While exercise is good for your mental health and can combat stress, you’re probably not focused on that while you’re working out. You’re trying to get into peak physical condition to be as successful as possible in your sport. 

Counseling can help you redefine what success looks like. Wins and good performances are great, but when you experience the highs and lows of being an athlete, having a strong sense of mental wellness can help you remain stable and make it easier to manage your stress. 

Finding Motivation

Maybe you’re coming back to your sport after some time off. Maybe you’re feeling uninspired lately because you haven’t been performing at your peak. Or, maybe you’re just worried you’ve lost your love of the game, no matter what you play. 

Counseling can help you rediscover your passion and motivation by getting to the root cause of what’s destroying it. It could be anything from stress to relationship issues, or striking a healthy work-life balance. When you dig beneath the surface to determine what’s really making you feel indifferent, you can start taking steps to find your spark again. 

Stress Management

There’s no question that being a competitive athlete is stressful. There’s a lot of pressure on you to perform well and win, especially when there’s money involved. You might be thinking about that pressure even when you’re not playing or performing. That can cause a lot of stress that will seep into other areas of your life. 

Counseling can help with basic stress management, taking some of the pressure away and allowing you to focus on other things. It can improve your work-life balance, help you enjoy other areas of life, and even help you to perform better.

Injury Recovery

When you’re injured as an athlete, it can be overwhelming. You might be worried about how quickly you can heal, if you’ll be as strong or able as you once were, or if you’ll be able to remain competitive. That kind of anxiety takes a toll on your well-being and can lead to lasting negative consequences. 

Counseling can’t magically cause your injury to heal faster. But, it can help you maintain mental wellness as you heal and start training again. That allows you to focus on what’s important without letting anxiety take over. 

As you can see, there are plenty of ways in which counseling can help you as a competitive athlete. But, you don’t need to wait for something to “go wrong” or until your stress feels overwhelming to reach out for help. 

Feel free to contact us for more information or to set up an appointment. Sports counseling can help you train your mental well-being the same way you train your body, so don’t ignore the success of your whole self. 

4 Ways Counseling Can Help An Athlete Who Has Performance Anxiety

Whether you’re a professional athlete, a college athlete, or you play for a local sports team, there can be a lot of pressure to win. Beyond that, you might feel a lot of personal pressure to perform well, especially if you’re considered one of the top talents of your team. 

While plenty of athletes thrive under pressure and tend to use it as motivation, that doesn’t mean it isn’t nerve-wracking. 

As a result, it’s not uncommon for athletes of all abilities and levels to deal with performance anxiety. Unfortunately, that kind of anxiety can create problems within your sport and your mental well-being. 

Thankfully, counseling can help if you’re willing to take the leap (no pun intended) and give it a try. Not convinced? Let’s take a look at a few different ways counseling can help an athlete dealing with performance anxiety.

1. It Can Help Identify Triggers

It’s not always easy for an athlete to know exactly what makes them feel anxious before a big game. You might have specific triggers that need to be addressed, like knowing certain people are watching, or certain conditions that make you self-conscious and doubting. 

You might even have superstitions that could end up becoming triggers. It’s not uncommon for athletes to deal with superstitions and rituals, but when they start to cause performance anxiety, it’s a problem.

2. It Can Help to Develop a Game Plan

Athletes respond well to plans and strategies, and counseling can help with that when it comes to dealing with performance anxiety. 

Your counselor can help you develop a game plan that keeps you focused during your event. The plan should be short and to the point, and something that’s easy to remember so it utilizes all of your concentration. It should be something you can learn quickly and repeat to yourself when it's time to perform. When you’re focused on your game plan, you’re less likely to be anxious about your performance.

3. It Reduces Everyday Stress

Anxiety comes from stress. It also creates stress. It’s like a vicious cycle that feeds off of itself until you feel like you’re completely out of control. 

If you find that you’re stressed about a big game or event days before it actually happens, your performance anxiety is likely to kick in early. On the big day, you might be so anxious about your performance that it’s hard to focus on anything. 

Counseling can make it easier to manage and lower your stress levels every day — not just on game days. The less stressed you are, overall, the less likely it is for anxiety to completely take over. 

Common stress-reducing techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, and meditation are great ways to calm yourself before a game or event, and a counselor can help you make the most of them. They’ll teach you techniques you can use as often as necessary to combat the stress threatening to control your thoughts.

4. It Boosts Positivity

Performance anxiety, especially as an athlete, can impact your self-esteem. Confidence is so important for athletes, and when you lose it, you’ll be even more anxious about your ability to perform. 

Counseling can help you maintain a positive attitude about yourself, your abilities, and the sport you play. That kind of attitude boosts your confidence and can help you overcome the effects of performance anxiety by changing your perspective on the game and your abilities. 

Don’t let things like stigma, pride, or stereotyping get in the way of getting the help you deserve. You wouldn’t ignore your physical training, and maintaining your mental health is just as important. If you’re struggling with performance anxiety, consider reaching out for help to learn more about sports counseling.

How To Ease A Child's Worries About Going To School

Summer is winding down and school is starting up again across the country. It can be an exciting time for kids, but it can also be a little nerve-wracking. If you have a young child, they might not know what to expect. 

Even if your child is a bit older, they might have reservations about the new school year. Maybe they’re not sure how they will make new friends, or they’re intimidated by their class schedule. 

We all tend to fear the unknown, and worries about school are no different. 

Thankfully, there are things you can do to ease your child’s worries about school and provide them reassurance and comfort as they head to class this year. 

Establish a Routine

Everyone needs a routine, but it’s especially important for kids and teenagers. Ideally, you can establish a routine for school a few weeks before classes actually start. But, even if your child has already begun the school year, it’s not too late. 

Your daily routine should include things like getting up around the same time each day, having breakfast, having a chat, etc. Find what works for you in the mornings. It will set the tone for your child’s day. 

An after-school/nighttime routine can also be a source of comfort and familiarity. That consistency is important in a child’s life and will help them feel secure even when they’re worried about school. 

Introduce Them to Their Teachers

Most teachers are all too happy to meet their students ahead of time — especially if it helps to ease their minds. If your child is nervous about a new school or teacher, schedule a walk-through of the building and let them meet at least one, if not all of the teachers they’ll interact with throughout the year. 

Having that little bit of familiarity before they start the school year can make a big difference in their confidence. They’ll feel more comfortable around the teacher and more self-assured that they can make their way around the school without getting lost or feeling overwhelmed. 

Connect Them With Friends

Speaking of familiar faces, have your child connect with classmates before school starts. Set up play dates for younger kids, or go on group outings with other parents and children. It’s a great way to form relationships before school begins, so they have some familiarity in the crowd on the first day of class. 

Even having just one familiar friend can make a difference. So, help your child establish those healthy connections before the first day; they’re less likely to feel overwhelmed by the uncertainties around them. 

Listen to Them

As a parent or caregiver, one of the best things you can do for your child is to offer your support — and a listening ear. 

If they struggle in school, ensure they know their feelings are valid. Ask them what might help, and listen to their suggestions before offering some of your own. Often, your child won’t want you to “fix” things. They’ll just want to be heard. 

Reach Out for Help

If your child continues to struggle with worries or fear about going to school, it’s worth reaching out to a professional for help. Therapy can be a great way to get to the root cause of your child’s worries. Understanding those underlying causes is the best way to chip away at them. 

Therapy can also make it easier for your child to learn how to manage and eventually overcome those worries. It can be empowering and give them the confidence they need to move forward. 

So, as the school year begins, do what you can to provide consistency and support for your child. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to reach out for anxiety treatment or family therapy.

How To Cope With Parenting Stress

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding jobs you’ll ever have. It’s also one of the most stressful. 

Don’t let those parents on social media fool you — it’s stressful for everyone, even those who try to depict their family lives as perfect. But, even when you realize that no parent escapes without some stress, it doesn’t automatically take away your own. 

So, what can you do when you feel like you’re at your wits’ end? How can you handle the everyday stress of parenting on top of worrying about your children’s future? 

Take a deep breath, and let’s cover a few effective strategies that can help. 

Don’t Ignore It

You don’t have to be a super mom or dad 24/7. You might think that in order to be a good parent, you have to ignore your stress and keep pushing forward for your family. But, the more you try to ignore your stress, the more likely it is to grow. 

Eventually, it’ll boil over. 

Instead, acknowledge that you’re stressed or burnt out. It’s the first step toward actually doing something about it. When you admit your stress to yourself, you’ll be more likely to find effective solutions to deal with it and reduce it. 

Have Fun With Your Kids

Raising children is an incredible responsibility, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make time for fun. In fact, you can get your kids involved in some of your interests, or take part in their own and let your inner child come out. 

If you love to read on your own, take some time to read with your child each night. If you’re a music lover, share your favorite bands with your child, or help them learn an instrument. You can educate your kids and have fun, all at once. 

Practice Self-Care

Self-care isn’t selfish. While you might be tempted to always put your kids first, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you aren’t taking the time to care for yourself, you’re not going to be the parent you really want to be. 

Make sure you’re prioritizing sleep, eating healthy, exercising, and maintaining your mental well-being. Things like journaling, meditation, and mindfulness are all great forms of self-care.

Additionally, don’t lose your sense of self. Do things you enjoy on your own or with your partner or friends from time to time. Maintaining your identity is important to your overall well-being, and it will help you recognize that your identity isn’t solely tied to your parenting role. 

Ask for Help

Remember that you’re not alone. If you’re married or have a partner, lean on each other for support when it comes to raising your kids. If you’re feeling especially burnt out or stressed, tell them, and ask for a little more help. 

Even if you’re a single parent, you’re not without support. Reach out to family members or friends, or consider joining a local parenting group so you can help other parents who might be dealing with stress, too. 

If the stress of parenting is starting to impact your quality of life, don’t hesitate to ask for a different kind of help — for your own mental well-being. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor about what you’re feeling. They’ll be able to help you identify the real source of your stress and work with you to develop effective management strategies. 

While you’ll never be able to completely eliminate the stress of parenting, there are things you can do to make it easier to handle, and you don’t have to tackle it on your own. Feel free to contact us for more information or to set up an appointment for family therapy

3 Steps To Take If You Want To Improve Family Communication

Healthy communication is essential in any successful relationship – not just romantic ones. While you might not think about how communication issues can impact your family, they can create more problems than you realize. 

Maybe communication efforts haven’t changed in your family for years because everyone has gotten used to it. Maybe no one knows how to improve those efforts. But, a lack of healthy communication can cause discord, confusion, and strained relationships. 

The good news? It’s never too late to improve family communication. Whether you’re a parent, a grown child still struggling to have healthy conversations with your parents, or you want to foster a better connection with your family, let’s cover a few ways to improve communication and build stronger relationships. 

1. Make Time to Talk

There’s no denying that we’re living in a busy world. Technology causes us to move at a rapid pace. Schedules are more packed than ever. People in families have different responsibilities, obligations, appointments, and interests. 

While having a busy schedule isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can cause communication within the family unit to suffer. You might feel like you communicate with your family regularly, but is it just small talk while you’re heading out the door? Or, do you chat with each other while you’re all distracted by phones, computers, or televisions? 

One of the best things you can do to improve family communication is to make more time for it. Yes, life is busy, but there’s a good chance that everyone within the family can spare some time each week to dedicate solely to family communication. Even if that means having dinner together a few times a week with no electronics, or going for a family walk on weekend mornings. 

Having dedicated, scheduled time will put everyone in the right frame of mind. It will also help to eliminate distractions, and show every family member that what they have to say really matters. 

2. Be an Active Listener

Being a better communicator isn’t just about talking. In fact, some might argue that the listening aspect of communication is even more important. 

Everyone deserves to be heard and understood, especially if there are some lingering underlying issues within your family. 

Choose to be an active listener when anyone in your family is sharing something. That means more than just hearing what they have to say. Make eye contact, don’t interrupt, and pay attention to non-verbal communication, too. Ask questions, and repeat statements if you need clarification. 

When someone feels like you’re truly listening to what they have to say, they’re more likely to open up, and they’ll also likely become an active listener, in return. 

3. Calmly Communicate

If you feel like there are some communication issues within your family, don’t wait until you’re frustrated, hurt, or angry to bring them up. No matter what you need to discuss, it’s important to communicate calmly. 

Ideally, you’ll talk about things before they become bigger issues than they need to be. But, if you’re already in a place of frustration, say that. Let your family know that you need some time and space to calm down and organize your thoughts so you can communicate clearly. 

That simple step can make a big difference in what you say later, and can de-escalate a negative situation quickly. When you’re willing to step back and speak calmly, other family members are likely to do the same. 

There are many other steps you can take to improve family communication, but consider these to help you get started. In doing so, you can build stronger relationships with the people close to you, and potentially break generational cycles that were stuck thanks to years of poor communication efforts. 

If you are struggling to communicate in your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out to us to learn more about family therapy.

How To Break The Cycle Of Codependency In A Friendship

People often refer to codependency in romantic relationships, but it isn’t exclusive to those partnerships. Codependency can harm almost any type of relationship. While those traits can certainly carry over into romantic endeavors, they can be just as damaging in friendships. 

While great friends will often suggest that they “complete” each other or that they balance one another out, codependency looks different. It’s not about balance or completion. Rather, it occurs when one person has a heavy reliance on the other. 

Let’s take a closer look at codependency in a friendship. We’ll cover what it really looks like. More importantly, we’ll talk about what you can do to break the cycle of codependency in a friendship and enjoy healthier, happier relationships. 

Magnified Roles

Healthy relationships always have a bit of give and take. However, those roles tend to shift based on need. There are times in friendships where one person will be the “giver” and one will be the “taker.” 

But, those roles shouldn’t be permanent. 

In a codependent friendship, one person tends to be the taker all of the time, forcing the other person to be the constant giver. That might be draining on the giver, but because they feel so needed, it can serve as a confidence boost. They’ll feel important in the relationship. 

Unfortunately, these magnified roles aren’t healthy for anyone, and can lead to imbalanced relationships with toxic dynamics. 

What Are the Signs of Codependency in a Friendship?

If you’re not sure whether you’re in a codependent friendship (no matter your role), some of the most common signs include: 

• One person is always trying to fix the other person’s problems.

• One person plays the role of “rescuer” every time.

• There are constant anxieties and fears over the relationship.

• One person feels used. 

• There is a distorted sense of reality. 

Things like relationship burnout and upset feelings are also pretty common signs. If you’re relying on a friend to make you feel fulfilled, it’s going to be exhausting. If you’re playing the role of the one who your friend relies on, it might be fun for a while, but it can also make you feel limited or even trapped. 

Eventually, both of you might feel like you’re losing a sense of individuality. The rescuer often takes on their friend’s emotions and won’t make their own choices. The other person might feel like they can’t do anything or make their own decisions without the friend being involved. 

What Can You Do? 

If these issues sound familiar, the good news is that the cycle of codependency in a friendship can be broken. 

If you are the codependent one, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge there’s a problem. Admitting that you’re struggling with codependency isn’t easy, but it’s a necessary first step. When you acknowledge the issue, you can seek out help from a professional to determine the cause of your codependency. You can also start to focus on self-care and finding an identity and purpose outside of your friendship. 

If you’re the “taker” in the relationship, don’t hesitate to set healthy boundaries. Again, it might be fun to be needed for a while, but that gets old very quickly. You’ll be putting yourself first in healthy ways by establishing boundaries and talking to your friend about changes that need to occur. 

No matter your role in a codependent friendship, understand that you don’t have to tackle these challenges on your own. Breaking free from that kind of cycle can be difficult. Friendship Therapy can help, from digging deeper into the relationship to guiding you to find healthy ways of keeping the friendship intact.  Feel free to reach out to learn more.

How To Deal With Grief When It Feels Like It's Consuming You

Everyone will experience grief at least once in their lifetime. Loss impacts us all, but that never makes it easier to go through. Whether you’ve lost a loved one or you’re grieving the loss of a pet, a job, or even a certain way of life, grief can feel overwhelming. 

While most people have heard of the stages of grief, it can often feel easier said than done to work through them. That’s especially true when it seems like grief is consuming you. 

If the grief you’re going through is preventing you from fully living, and it’s having a negative impact on your quality of life, know you’re not alone. Grief is normal, but it doesn’t have to control you forever. 

With that in mind, let’s cover a few ways you can effectively deal with grief when it feels like it’s consuming you. 

Take Care of Yourself

Self-care might be the last thing on your mind right now. You might even think it’s selfish to take care of yourself when you should be constantly focusing on who/what you’ve lost. 

But, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s a necessity. 

If you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, think about how they would want you to live. They wouldn’t want you to suffer or neglect your basic needs. Use that as motivation to practice self-care every day. 

You don’t need to do anything extravagant or luxurious. Instead, focus on small tasks that can make a big difference. That includes things like exercising, getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, and socializing with others. 

Spend Time With Loved Ones

Speaking of socialization, make sure you’re getting out and spending time with people you love. Now is the time to lean on your support system. 

While it can be tempting to isolate yourself and spend more time alone, that often makes the symptoms of depression and grief worse. It gives you the opportunity to get “stuck” inside your negative thoughts, and they can start to weigh heavier on you when you feel like there’s no one who can help you and no one to listen. 

You might be surprised to find that some of your loved ones feel the same way as you do. They might be struggling to reach out, too. So, making that first move can benefit you – and perhaps others. 

Reach Out for Help

If you feel like you can’t open up to the people in your life for whatever reason, it’s worth it to seek out the help of others. One option is to join a support group, either in-person or online. 

Connecting with other people who are also feeling overwhelmed by grief can be a big help. Not only will it help you realize you’re not alone, but it can make it easier to see a light at the end of the tunnel. While many people in support groups are in the early stages of grief and could be suffering just as much as you, others have gotten through some of those stages and can offer their advice and support. Seeing how other people have thrived can give you a much-needed sense of hope. 

Alternatively (or additionally), you might consider talking to a mental health professional. Grief is painful, no matter what. But, a therapist can help you work through it and make sure you’re going through the stages in healthy ways. 

Grief doesn’t have to consume your every waking moment. If you feel like you’re not able to escape the crippling clutch of your own grief and you’re ready to reach out for help, feel free to contact us to set up an appointment for grief counseling.

Can Depression Run In Families?

Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in the world. There are so many factors that can contribute to it, and some even stem from childhood. 

But, if you’re struggling with depression, have you ever wondered if it can run in the family? Are genetics to “blame” for your mental health? 

Yes and no. There’s not a clear indicator that depression is “inherited” by family members. However, there are some genetic markers that might make put you at a greater risk of developing depression than others. 

Let’s take a closer look at some of the connections between genetics and depression, so you can have a better idea of whether your family is directly impacting your mental health. 

Depression and Your Genes

Multiple studies have shown that certain conditions - including depression - might be connected to specific genes. However, no one has been able to pin down a single gene that actually causes depression. 

With that in mind, it’s difficult to say that your depression comes from your parents, grandparents, etc. You can look at different sets of genes and compare the people in your family who had depression to those who didn’t. But, as of now, it’s impossible to know which sets of genes actually cause conditions like anxiety or depression. 

What you can determine, however, is that you’re probably more likely to experience depression (or anxiety) if it runs heavily in your family. There are certain gene combinations contributing to these conditions, even if research can’t tell you exactly what you are. 

Will You Absolutely Get Depression? 

Does that mean if your parents have depression you’ll also experience it? Absolutely not. There are plenty of people living in families where depression runs rampant, but they don’t experience it, themselves. 

Genetics is only part of the equation when it comes to depression. You also have to consider your environment and the situations you’ve been through in life. Can you be more susceptible to depression based on your genes? Sure. But, that doesn’t mean you’ll automatically experience it. 

What Are the Warning Signs?

If you feel like depression runs in your family and you’re worried you might be susceptible to it, there are a few warning signs to look out for. 

One of the biggest warning signs of depression is a feeling of hopelessness. It’s normal to feel “down” sometimes, and even sad about things. But, when those feelings linger for long periods of time and you feel both helpless and hopeless, you might be dealing with depression. 

Another warning sign is isolation. People with depression often withdraw from loved ones, and tend to pull away from doing things they typically enjoy. Unfortunately, that can make your negative thoughts even worse. 

Finally, don’t ignore any physical signs you might be experiencing. Depression can sometimes cause a lack of energy, increased irritability, and changes in your eating and/or sleeping habits. 

What Can You Do? 

Again, don’t assume that just because depression runs in your family it means you’ll be diagnosed with the condition. However, it’s important to be vigilant. If depression does seem to be genetic in your family, be proactive about it. 

If you think you’re experiencing symptoms, the best thing you can do is reach out to a mental health professional. When you work with a therapist, you’ll be able to get to the underlying cause of your depression, whether it’s your family or other external factors. You’ll also learn the skills necessary to manage your symptoms and eventually overcome the depression. 

Whether depression runs in your family or not, you don’t have to deal with it forever. You can break the cycle right now by getting the help you deserve. Don’t hesitate to contact us for more information about depression treatment or family therapy.

How Does The Brain Change With EMDR Therapy?

EMDR therapy has become exceedingly popular in recent years, largely due to how effective it is. It’s most common for issues like trauma, but it can also help with anxiety disorders and phobias. 

Whether you’ve tried more traditional forms of talk therapy or you’re just interested in taking a different approach to the healing process, EMDR can be a big help. 

But, does EMDR actually affect or change your brain? If so, how? Let’s take a closer look at the lasting effects of EMDR, why it’s such an effective form of therapy, and the changes you can expect if you decide to work with an EMDR therapist yourself. 

Brain Stimulation

The rapid eye movement that occurs during EMDR stimulates the brain. You think about the traumatic memories or experiences you’ve gone through while moving your eyes back and forth quickly. 

That stimulation is necessary to help your brain process memories and truly start healing. The stimulation doesn’t cause extra stress. Rather, the process slows down your amygdala and makes it easier to process the traumatic memory without having to live in fear or distress from it. 

What does that mean? 

When you experience a traumatic event, your emotions start to take control. That’s the responsibility of the amygdala. The prefrontal cortex is the rational thinking part of your brain. It experiences a reduction in control when your amygdala is overstimulated. 

When that happens, it can feel like the trauma you experienced just happened, even if it technically occurred years ago. Those memories get “stuck” in the amygdala. So, they feel just as relevant and scary as ever. 

EMDR helps to reduce that overstimulation. 

Giving the Prefrontal Cortex More Control

EMDR moves your eyes from side to side for a reason. You do the same thing when you’re dreaming at night. 

Studies have shown that during REM sleep (rapid eye movements), memories can move out of the amygdala and the rest of the brain can start to process them. 

When you work with an EMDR therapist, they help to slow down your amygdala the same way a state of deep sleep would. It’s just temporary, but it helps your brain waves to become more synchronized, allowing other areas of the brain to help you process memories – including the prefrontal cortex which makes things easier to rationalize. 

The Importance of Reprocessing

The second part of EMDR is reprocessing. Once you’re able to get your traumatic memories “unstuck”, you can begin to process them and reprocess them in healthier ways. 

What’s interesting about EMDR is that it doesn’t remove the traumatic memories from your mind. It doesn’t try to make you forget or “overcome” what might have happened to you in the past. 

Rather, it makes it easier for your brain to process those memories correctly. It essentially hands them over to the prefrontal cortex. So, you can think more rationally about what happened to you, and start to feel like you’re more in control than before. You can use those reprocessing skills every day to understand that whatever you went through is not going to hurt you now. 

The effects of EMDR are lasting. It doesn’t necessarily change the way your brain works or any structuring. But, it helps your traumatic memories feel less overwhelming by making sure they don’t get caught in the wrong place. 

If you’re interested in learning more about EMDR or Trauma Therapy and how it might benefit you, feel free to contact us. Even though this type of therapy is becoming more popular, it’s still perfectly common to have questions when it comes to what you should expect throughout your sessions. I’m here to help. 

How To Communicate With Your Partner When They Have ADHD

We tend to think of ADHD as a disorder that impacts children. But, those children grow up. ADHD doesn’t just disappear during adulthood. 

While many adults are able to manage their symptoms fairly well, it’s still important to understand that the condition is still a part of who they are. 

When you’re in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, you might have to make adjustments to how you communicate. You’ll also have to be open to understanding where they’re coming from and how their mind processes things. 

Can it be difficult at times? Of course. But, relationships rely on healthy communication, and being able to foster that in your relationship is important. 

Let’s cover a few tips you can use to strengthen your communication with your partner when they have ADHD. 

Be Patient With Your Partner

One of the most important and helpful things you can do to better communicate with your partner is to show more patience. It’s important in every relationship, but even more so when your partner has ADHD. 

They might have a hard time communicating their thoughts and feelings the same way you do. Everyday tasks like work or school can feel overwhelming to them. 

On top of that, their frustrations can easily turn into fears if they feel like you’re struggling to understand them. Unfortunately, that piles on the stress even more, and can cause their symptoms to worsen. 

ADHD isn’t something someone chooses to have. Keep that in mind as your partner tries to talk to you, and show them the patience they deserve. 

Focus On Their Strengths

Everyone communicates differently. Some people are better speakers. Some are better listeners. Pay attention to your partner’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to communication efforts. Do they get frustrated easily when they can’t get their point across? Do they lose focus quickly? 

Instead of letting those struggles throw a wrench in your communication efforts, choose to focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses. 

Work together to find ways to communicate that “bypass” those weaknesses. That might include breaking conversations up into smaller sessions. Or, you might consider using visuals or other things that will help your partner stay focused. 

Treat Them As an Equal

If you feel like you have to “parent” your partner, you’re never going to have a relationship based on equality and respect. 

Adults with ADHD might need some help and encouragement as they go through everyday tasks. But, there’s a difference between offering that encouragement as their equal and treating them like a child. 

One of the worst things you can do is criticize or lecture your partner when they aren’t communicating the way you think they should. While you can (and should) express your needs and offer suggestions, they shouldn’t be made to feel like they’re wrong just because certain areas of communication are difficult. 

If you do go that route, you’re more likely to experience more frequent arguments. Your partner might even start to resent you and the way you treat them. 

Educate Yourself on ADHD

Again, ADHD is a real and legitimate disorder. Some people are able to manage their symptoms better than others. But, at the end of the day, it’s crucial to understand how your partner thinks and where they’re coming from in terms of communication. 

Learn as much as you can about ADHD, in general, and utilize your partner as a source of information. Dig into their thought process. Ask questions. Not only will it show them that you’re invested in the relationship and where it’s going, but you want to make communication a priority so your bond becomes stronger. 

Connect with us soon to learn more about the benefits ADHD Treatment and Couples Counseling.

3 Easy Ways To Have Healthy Conflict In Your Relationship

The idea of conflict in your relationship might not be all that appealing. No couple likes arguing or disagreeing. Sometimes, it can even feel like your conflicts never really “go away”, and you just sweep them under the rug for a while. 

While conflicts aren’t exactly fun for anyone, they’re often a normal part of healthy relationships. 

Yes, the happiest, healthiest couples in the world still have disagreements. It’s how they choose to work through those disagreements that makes a difference. 

Not sure how to have healthy conflict in your relationship? Let’s cover three easy ways that can change the way you and your partner communicate during disagreements.

1. Focus on the Present

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you’re dealing with a conflict is to bring up past hurts. That’s the issue with sweeping things under the rug – they never really go away until you work through them. 

If you and your partner are disagreeing about something, focus on that. Be mindful of the moment, and don’t bring up conflicts from the past that caused problems. Doing so lets your partner know you didn’t “forgive and forget”. It also might tell them that you’re harboring resentment. 

More importantly, if you don’t let go of those past hurts and you continue to bring them up, you’re not doing yourself any favors, either. They will stir inside you and cause constant tension. 

If there are unresolved issues in your relationship, dedicate a specific time to talk about them. But, don’t let them come into a disagreement or conflict that’s happening in the present.

2. Be Respectful

It can be difficult to show respect when you’re upset about something and you feel like your partner is the perpetrator. 

However, a lack of respect can cause even a small conflict to feel like something much bigger and daunting. It’s important to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. That’s not always easy to do when you’re disagreeing about things. 

But, if there’s not an undertone of respect in every conflict, you’re both more likely to say hurtful things. You’re also both more likely to feel the need to “win” the argument rather than come up with the most effective solution. 

Talk about the importance of respect in your relationship and make an agreement to give it to each other, even when you’re upset.

3. Don’t Play the Blame Game

One of the big problems that comes from needing a “winner” or “loser” in an argument is that you’ll rarely look to yourself as a source of any conflict. 

Sometimes, one person is clearly in the wrong. Other times, you might simply disagree on a subject. Either way, it’s important to show grace and look within to determine what you could be doing differently – or better. 

Even if your partner has done something wrong, you’re not going to make the situation better by pointing the finger at them. 

Instead of blaming them (or vice versa), acknowledge that you both make mistakes or that you simply have different views on certain things. That’s okay. You’re human and you’re flawed.

When you use “I” statements to tell your partner how you’re feeling, you’ll quickly de-escalate your disagreement. Focus on how the situation makes you feel, take responsibility for your actions, and shift your focus on how you can overcome the problem rather than arguing about it. 

Healthy conflict isn’t a bad thing. When done the right way, it can actually end up strengthening your relationship. Keep these ideas in mind to change the way you communicate during conflicts, and your arguments will never be the same. 

Reach out soon to learn more about couples counseling.