What Is Anticipatory Grief And How Can You Deal With It?

Everyone experiences grief at some point in their life. While we usually think of grief when it comes to the loss of a person, it can also be triggered by the loss of a career, a pet, or even a sense of normality. 

That’s why so many people struggled with grief throughout the COVID-19 pandemic. 

While dealing with some kind of loss in life is practically unavoidable, there’s a type of grief that fewer people are aware of – anticipatory grief. 

Grief can occur before a loss officially happens, especially when it comes to death or a slow-progressing illness that starts to cause limitations and losses. 

Let’s take a closer look at some of the common symptoms of anticipatory grief and how you can deal with them in healthy, effective ways. 

What Are the Signs of Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief has many of the same signs and symptoms as “traditional” grief. It’s the timing that’s different. Some of the most common symptoms include: 

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Sadness

• Fear

• Guilt

• Loneliness

You might also start to think about what the future will hold once the loss is complete. If you’re already grieving the potential death of a loved one, your mind might race with wondering what your life will be like once they’re gone. 

Unfortunately, that often creates even more fear and uncertainty, promoting a vicious cycle of grief that can be difficult to break free from. 

You might also feel guilty about nearly every thought that comes to mind regarding that person. If you want them to live even though they’re suffering, you might feel guilt over that. If you want their suffering to end and for them to pass, it’s easy to feel ashamed about that, too. 

Those feelings of guilt can be incredibly damaging, leading to negative self-talk and an increased risk of depression. 

How Can Anticipatory Grief Be a Positive Thing?

It’s hard to believe that anything dealing with grief could be considered “good”. 

However, in some cases, anticipatory grief can provide a healthy first step in the healing process. 

For example, if you visit a dying loved one, it’s not going to be easy. It’s a struggle to see someone you care about in such a fragile state. However, those moments together can provide closure, and make the loss seem less sudden and overwhelming. Spending time with that person will make their death easier to accept, rather than dealing with denial for weeks. 

How Can You Cope With Anticipatory Grief? 

Anticipatory grief can give you the time you need to find healthy coping mechanisms. It’s a perfect time to develop a support system of people you can lean on – and those who know they can lean on you, in return. 

If your anticipatory grief stems from the pending loss of a loved one, spend as much time as possible connecting with them. Address any unresolved issues between you, share stories, and if they’re able, spend time doing things you both enjoy. 

Learn as much as you can about what to expect. It won’t necessarily make things less painful, but if someone you love has an illness, knowing more about it can help you recognize some of the more common symptoms, so it won’t feel as overwhelming while they happen. 

Finally, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional support. Anticipatory grief can be just as painful as the loss itself. If you’re trying to get through it but having a hard time accepting what’s about to happen, you’re not alone. Grief counseling can make a big difference in helping you manage your stress while sorting out your thoughts and feelings.