The 4th R
With our schools closed and not knowing exactly when they will be opening, us parents of school aged children that are on the precipice of adding World’s Okayest Homeschool Teacher to our resume this week or at some point soon. Parents, this, while juggling your own job as you work from home, being with your partner at home as they work from home, possibly caring for your parents, and/or caring for newborns or toddlers. Things feel doubled or tripled if you are in the medical field or have been impacted directly by COVID-19. Whew. Take a Breath. Cut yourself some major slack. A lot of grace, patience and kindness, is what I want you to offer yourself and your nervous system. This is a time for holding everything in the world gingerly and gently, including yourself.
About 1.7 million American students are homeschooled, and due to the COVID-19 outbreak, that number is about to get a lot higher, at least temporarily. It’s all going to be ok and it will all get worked out. Parents, start by making a schedule.
As we navigate and structure our school day, I realize that we have on our schedule loads of activities for academic work. Even INcredible links to tour the world famous museums, science experiments, Mo Willems draw along, virtual farm tours, our Houston Zoo, weather classroom from new stations, the virtual tour of the great wall of China, and the list goes on and on. We have even put on our schedules Physical Education with activities such as kids yoga, free dance lessons, streaming dojos, and daily workouts by a PE teacher. I am certain that your schedule will include Reading, wRiting and ‘Rithmetic. I’d like for you add a 4th R to your daily schedule……Regulating Emotions.
No doubt global anxiety is skyrocketing right now. If you're feeling stressed about Covid-19, know that it's possible your kids are too.
Do you ever wonder what some therapists have on their new daily homeschool schedule? Well, what we try to have? Yes, you with your hand up in the back…..the emotional piece. I know, you’re like “whaaaaaa? Another “thing” to do with my kids? I thought you said that I should cut myself some slack?” You totally should. I also want to let you know that being able to diffuse emotions will keep your child from detonating, whether by ex/imploding. Therefore, helping you.
One activity that my children are participating in (and my husband and myself too) is daily journaling. Our kids are watching us and learning about how to respond to stress and uncertainty, so engaging in journaling with them would be extra credit points for sure.
No one is to read their emotive journal without permission. In this way, journaling provides the opportunity for them to:
Explore and identify emotions
Feel anger
Express fear
Examine the pros and cons of something in order to be more decisive
Look more carefully at her thoughts about something after the immediate situation has passed
Gain some insight into her own and other people's motives
See the positives as well as the negatives
Plan out difficult conversations ahead of time
Write out (or draw if the child cannot or has a difficult time writing)
A feelings journal is a great way to help a younger child build an emotional vocabulary. It can be done in a few ways. Your child can identify his/her current emotions, draw a picture and label it, choose a feeling from a feeling poster or wheel to write and draw about or learn a new emotion to draw and write about. I’ve included an emotions wheel that I, like Goldilocks, love to find baby bear’s juuuust the right word for what I am feeling.
Another activity the Atkinson household is adopting is to remember that the power of laughter can be healing. Locate a funny video to watch or share memories you and your family have experienced together. I’m having the girls share a funny video or story or joke with us everyday as part of “school”.
I have asked trusted local friends and colleagues (I’m about to name drop) what activity they would encourage for emotions class.
“Play. For children under the age of 9, play is thought to be their natural language. Our children need space to process their emotions through play. Get down on the floor with them; don’t direct the play- allow them to control their play. Try to reflect what they are doing and feeling in order to help them feel understood and connected. Sometimes their play might be sad; don’t try to cheer this up. Instead just reflect what they are feeling. This is the best way for a child to express their emotions and make sense of their world. It’s okay to have more than one emotion at a time; you can be scared, anxious, and grateful for these moments.” Amy Rollo, M.A., LSSP, LPA, LPC-S- Owner of Heights Family Counseling
“Maybe most importantly get curious with them about how they are feeling right now. Validate whatever feelings they express without trying to fix it or minimize it. As so beautifully expressed in one of my favorite children’s books: TheRabbit Listened. https://www.amazon.com/Rabbit-Listened-Cori-Doerrfeld/dp/073522935X Just listen and old space for their feelings. PS- this is somuch easier said than done but our kids need to feel heard, especially during these hard times.” Brittani L. Persha, LCSW-S, RPT-S, EMDR-Trained (Licensed Clinical Social Worker-Supervisor, Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor, EMDR-Trained)
“I think the best support is helping our kids to feel safe, is that we as parents have it under control and are protecting them. Reminding our kids that sometimes there are things we just don’t understand, but this is a shared experience and we will get through it together as a family.” Jessica Eiseman MS, LPC-S, NCC, CCTP, owner and clinical director for Ajana Therapy & Clinical Services
I don’t know about y’all, but I am wanting an apple on my desk (or apple streudel and a coffee really) and I can’t wait for summer vacation. Wait………
